Tailgate Terror Gifts

'Just my luck, another tailgater'

Church for sports worshipers.

'Just how big of a tailgate party are you expecting to have?'

'I told him if he didn't get here quick he'd miss out on all the beer and food.'

College game crowd: 'WE WON',,,'and that somehow makes you superior'

'Is it just my imagination, or do we have a lot more relatives now that we're throwing a tailgate party?'

Look! Up in the sky! It's absurd! It's inane! It's "Malaprop Man"! Malaprop man! Where are you going? To a processional footbrawl game! The Tampa Bay Bucketeers and New York Jest are playing. Are you a serious fan? Yeah, I've a sneezin' ticket holder for years! Isn't it early to go to the stadium? We nave a snailgate party in the barking lot. I drill chicken winks and square ribs! Do you get nervous watching your team play? Yes, I'm very dense during the games! And before and aft

'We've been tailgating so long, I think we might be homeless.'

"Just picking up some Super Bowl provisions."

"Kate! Long time, no sniff!"

'How many times have I told you to limber up before tailgating?'

Cocktailgating. . . .

'Go long!'

"Trust me, catching it isn't that satisfying."

Dogs getting married have puppies carry their tails.

"Sufferin' sagebrush, Cookie! You call this pasta 'Al Dente?!"

Early Tailgate Parties.

Bring it on, Scrabble nerd! Want to tell him directly? What do you mean? There's a chat function so you can taunt other online Scrabble players. Just type in your insult and hit send. Have I died and gone to heaven? The internet. And I suspect it's met its match.

This is great! Whose idea was it to start the battle with a tailgate?

'What do you mean the tailgate party was so fun you lost track of time? You were supposed to be home 2 weeks ago!'

This is great! Whose idea was it to start the battle with a tailgate?

The football preseason is a good time to review the rules of tailgating. Grabbing the ketchup when one person is handing it to another is "pass interference." Bringing salad instead of chicken wings is not allowed --- It's an "illegal substitution." "Piling on" is penalized on the football field, but not here at the tailgate party! And very importantly, in most places, we observe the "5-second rule" for dropped food. But here we have the "2-Minute Warning"! See, these fries are still good!

"He likes to do it for the Yale-Harvard game."

'Ugh! I hate it when there's a tailgater behind me!'

'I put it up just for his self-esteem.'

A year ago I would have never guessed that tailgating in the driveway at home could feel like a normal thing to do.

"It's a tailgate cooler."

'Tough guy, eh? Want to step outside?'

"We call it a tailgate party."