Tailgate Hero Gifts

'I told him if he didn't get here quick he'd miss out on all the beer and food.'

Church for sports worshipers.

'Just how big of a tailgate party are you expecting to have?'

'I shoulda told you guys. . . Marmaduke makes up his own rules as we go along.'

'...However, he is such a heck of a nice guy, we're going to give him the touchdown anyway.'

'John is watching the game under protest.'

Children playing football.

'Nice Header, Lauren!'

College game crowd: 'WE WON',,,'and that somehow makes you superior'

A boy with a football

'Is it just my imagination, or do we have a lot more relatives now that we're throwing a tailgate party?'

Look! Up in the sky! It's absurd! It's inane! It's "Malaprop Man"! Malaprop man! Where are you going? To a processional footbrawl game! The Tampa Bay Bucketeers and New York Jest are playing. Are you a serious fan? Yeah, I've a sneezin' ticket holder for years! Isn't it early to go to the stadium? We nave a snailgate party in the barking lot. I drill chicken winks and square ribs! Do you get nervous watching your team play? Yes, I'm very dense during the games! And before and aft

'We've been tailgating so long, I think we might be homeless.'

Using nano-satellites for extreme roller-skating.

school kids playing conkers

"Just picking up some Super Bowl provisions."

Fully decked out in his new skimmer-Boy Mike was able to skim the pool in just 60 seconds,

'Make it quick, Mom! I've got to get back and finish my mud pies.'

'How many times have I told you to limber up before tailgating?'

Cocktailgating. . . .

'He never has an energy crisis.'

'Go long!'

"How do you know I got this dirt on me. Maybe I'm biodegrading."

"You can't go out for playground monitor duty like that! Where's your mouthpiece?"

"Sufferin' sagebrush, Cookie! You call this pasta 'Al Dente?!"

"You owe your life to that dog. He pulled you to safety. Unfortunately, there's still no sign of the dog ??" or your arm."

For five years before they added wheels, boarding was the coolest sport around.

This is great! Whose idea was it to start the battle with a tailgate?

Early Tailgate Parties.

'What do you mean the tailgate party was so fun you lost track of time? You were supposed to be home 2 weeks ago!'

This is great! Whose idea was it to start the battle with a tailgate?

'Do you mind popping back in, to rescue the Sunday joint?'

"He likes to do it for the Yale-Harvard game."

The football preseason is a good time to review the rules of tailgating. Grabbing the ketchup when one person is handing it to another is "pass interference." Bringing salad instead of chicken wings is not allowed --- It's an "illegal substitution." "Piling on" is penalized on the football field, but not here at the tailgate party! And very importantly, in most places, we observe the "5-second rule" for dropped food. But here we have the "2-Minute Warning"! See, these fries are still good!

'Ugh! I hate it when there's a tailgater behind me!'