Tailgate Kings Gifts

'Go long!'

Church for sports worshipers.

'Just how big of a tailgate party are you expecting to have?'

"Any of you guys feel like hot dogs?"

'I told him if he didn't get here quick he'd miss out on all the beer and food.'

College game crowd: 'WE WON',,,'and that somehow makes you superior'

'Is it just my imagination, or do we have a lot more relatives now that we're throwing a tailgate party?'

'We've been tailgating so long, I think we might be homeless.'

Look! Up in the sky! It's absurd! It's inane! It's "Malaprop Man"! Malaprop man! Where are you going? To a processional footbrawl game! The Tampa Bay Bucketeers and New York Jest are playing. Are you a serious fan? Yeah, I've a sneezin' ticket holder for years! Isn't it early to go to the stadium? We nave a snailgate party in the barking lot. I drill chicken winks and square ribs! Do you get nervous watching your team play? Yes, I'm very dense during the games! And before and aft

"Just picking up some Super Bowl provisions."

A man gesturing at the moon

'How many times have I told you to limber up before tailgating?'

Cocktailgating. . . .

'Please try not to offer expert analysis.'

'Marge tells me you're a welder by profession.'

"Sufferin' sagebrush, Cookie! You call this pasta 'Al Dente?!"

"Take it easy back there!"

'A hot dog won't work when there's steak on the neighbors' grill.'

This is great! Whose idea was it to start the battle with a tailgate?

Early Tailgate Parties.

"He likes to do it for the Yale-Harvard game."

'What do you mean the tailgate party was so fun you lost track of time? You were supposed to be home 2 weeks ago!'

This is great! Whose idea was it to start the battle with a tailgate?

The football preseason is a good time to review the rules of tailgating. Grabbing the ketchup when one person is handing it to another is "pass interference." Bringing salad instead of chicken wings is not allowed --- It's an "illegal substitution." "Piling on" is penalized on the football field, but not here at the tailgate party! And very importantly, in most places, we observe the "5-second rule" for dropped food. But here we have the "2-Minute Warning"! See, these fries are still good!

Beware of the Overly Friendly Dog.

"King me!"

'Ugh! I hate it when there's a tailgater behind me!'

A year ago I would have never guessed that tailgating in the driveway at home could feel like a normal thing to do.

'Okay, we'll meet six sharp, at the rail yard!'

"He doesn't bite, but he does some pretty violent tail-wagging."

"It's a tailgate cooler."

"We call it a tailgate party."

'Just my luck, another tailgater'

"Seriously...No one is THAT happy."