Tailgating Enthusiast Gifts

The football preseason is a good time to review the rules of tailgating. Grabbing the ketchup when one person is handing it to another is "pass interference." Bringing salad instead of chicken wings is not allowed --- It's an "illegal substitution." "Piling on" is penalized on the football field, but not here at the tailgate party! And very importantly, in most places, we observe the "5-second rule" for dropped food. But here we have the "2-Minute Warning"! See, these fries are still good!

"It's a tailgate cooler."

'I see! And, just how much will it cost if she is in season?'

Church for sports worshipers.

'Just how big of a tailgate party are you expecting to have?'

Dog lover

Rusty starts to have very violent thoughts toward his tail.

"Do you recall the exact moment the balance of power shifted?"

'When he comes through that door, let's all jump up and give him a big kiss!'

"I finally caught you... now what?"

I've found you can say anything you like to them, as long as you're wagging your tail.

"Who's a good boy? You're a good boy."

'I told him if he didn't get here quick he'd miss out on all the beer and food.'

'No JAMIE,you're NOT keeping any strays! Now GET rid of him and go wash up for dinner!...' / 'Sorry kiddo,i tried...'

'You've got restless wag syndrome.'

'Max and I have a give and take relationship. He sniffs my butt...and I let him.'

"You've already been for a walk."

Lady walking a dog with a big tail.

College game crowd: 'WE WON',,,'and that somehow makes you superior'

"If you don't make up your mind who's taking me out, I'll do it right here."

'They do say they're a shy breed.'

"It's been one of those days. I don't know if I’ve been chasing my tail or it's been chasing me."

"Well, it looks like you found Rexy's sweet spot!"

Headshot of perky dog.

'Don't get me wrong, the professional dog-walker is nice, but it is not really the same as if my Master was walking me...'

"No, I did not sniff you!"

'Is it just my imagination, or do we have a lot more relatives now that we're throwing a tailgate party?'

'We've been tailgating so long, I think we might be homeless.'

"As I see it, the issue with dog-walking services is that the pace is dictated by whoever is slowest..."

Look! Up in the sky! It's absurd! It's inane! It's "Malaprop Man"! Malaprop man! Where are you going? To a processional footbrawl game! The Tampa Bay Bucketeers and New York Jest are playing. Are you a serious fan? Yeah, I've a sneezin' ticket holder for years! Isn't it early to go to the stadium? We nave a snailgate party in the barking lot. I drill chicken winks and square ribs! Do you get nervous watching your team play? Yes, I'm very dense during the games! And before and aft

"Just picking up some Super Bowl provisions."

'How many times have I told you to limber up before tailgating?'

"My dog is NOT a child substitute. Not according to his headmaster anyway."

Cocktailgating. . . .

"When did you become such a big animal lover?"