Table Tennis Humorists Gifts

COWS: Cow Pong

Middle-Age Superheroes

Squash Courts - "Insurance anyone"

"Whenever it comes, Glenda, my death will be untimely."

Gym. Instructor. Why do you want to learn kickboxing? I've always wanted to win a fight hands down!

'May I recommend a dry white with the seafood dish.'

Football Game Tickets. These seats are so far from the field we'll need a passport to get to them!

"Actually, I'm pretty sure aging naturally and aging gracefully are mutually exclusive."

"Do you have anything that would make him seem like a self satisfied pig?"

'New rule. From now on you don't just sit in the penalty box. You also get a root canal.'

"Waiter! - this soup tastes funny!"

Bobsled Police.

"Warren's too cautious to cure his mid-life crisis with a motorcycle, so he's rebelling by driving shirtless."

Short on top, medium on the sides, and not bald in back.

The USA football team goes on the offensive.

"This one is called 'Essence of Hockey Bag.'"

'She says her wrinkles are laughter lines, but nothing is that funny!'

Goal Post Ape.

'It's internal. Probably one of his stomachs...'

'Uh-oh. They're bringing in the closer to secure the win.'

The Pole Vault Washing Line

Tennis Player.

'I seem to be very conservative but secretly, I'm a rebel - I don't wear pants.'

'Eton Football (By Dumb-Crambo Junior.)'

'Trust me, it's the only way if you want your insurance to cover it.'

On this date: Overly enthused and attending an NHL game en masse, the National Parole Board exceeds its mandate.

Where's Slinky going? To Florida, for spring training.

"Hockey players no longer fight. They feel saying mean things about each other on social media hurts more."

"You will let me know if I'm boring you with my little stories, won't you dear?"

'It sure is hot in the arena tonight!'

'No doubt about it... serves are MUCH faster these days!'

'I don't usually find worms attractive,but as soon as I saw him I was hooked!'

Same Sexless Marriage

'Apparently he does 20 yards to the pint.'

'He's been this way since the Red Sox won the pennant!'