Swordsmanship Gifts

"I don't think you can get a peace prize for ending a war that you started."

"Toupee!"

'Now I suppose, we owe them one.'

"We're never going to resolve this if you won't get your own sword."

Warrior Woman

Epic Battles

"I think you'll find the pen is writier than the sword."

Wouldn't it be cool if we could live in the Middle Ages, Randy? We could roam the countryside on horses and carry swords. We could hang out in taverns and drink ale, maybe earn enough coin to hire a hero … Then we could go on a quest. Maybe slay some golems. I think it's a real sign of intellectual maturity that we haven't even mentioned maidens yet. Real Middle-Ages maidens would eat you for breakfast.

'Actually, there's no interview necessary. Just pull out the sword and the job's yours.'

"Tonight we dine with the devil. But tomorrow we really need to finish what's left in the fridge."

How Swordfish Are Born

Decapitated coffee.

"But if we win and the Visigoths lose then we're the wild card."

"If we're musketeers, why can't we just shoot people? with muskets?"

"Does it hurt when I do this?"

'After A Knights Hard Day'

Pub Kendo.

'So you have to ask yourself: do you feel lucky?...well do you, monk?'

"Eddie, what were you thinking? Either wear boots or go barefoot."

'I'm going out to forge an alliance.'

Sawrd Fighting

An incident from the Eglinton Tournament, scene 2.

Swords for Making America Great Again

"But now it won't stay in mint condition."

Shirts vs Skins: 'I don't know about this.'

I'm not fighting you until you show me your mask.

Child to another child - 'En garde!'

Scheduel.

"Wouldn't it be cool to live in the middle ages, Randy? We could roam the countryside on horses and carry swords?"

One of the lesser known joys of being a fencing instructor.

Fencing Lessons

Battle.

Lord Chandler's personal problems had spread to the battlefield.

The Lady of the Lake stabs a duck.

'Razed any good cities lately?'