Swordsman Gifts

"Tonight we dine with the devil. But tomorrow we really need to finish what's left in the fridge."

"All our extras are ex-soccer players - they're the best at dramatically faking injuries."

'Of course I'm on the pull - I'm a cricketer.'

'Why couldn't you throw like that in the game?'

"We're never going to resolve this if you won't get your own sword."

Warrior Woman

Ted's Brilliant Rugby Career Was Plagued By Nagging Injuries,

Wouldn't it be cool if we could live in the Middle Ages, Randy? We could roam the countryside on horses and carry swords. We could hang out in taverns and drink ale, maybe earn enough coin to hire a hero … Then we could go on a quest. Maybe slay some golems. I think it's a real sign of intellectual maturity that we haven't even mentioned maidens yet. Real Middle-Ages maidens would eat you for breakfast.

Epic Battles

"I think you'll find the pen is writier than the sword."

'Actually, there's no interview necessary. Just pull out the sword and the job's yours.'

Best Seller

How Swordfish Are Born

The Freedom of the Press is Worth Fighting For!

Decapitated coffee.

Counselor. It's annoying that he always has to have the second-to-last word

'It feels like I'm very much in a good place these days. That is, aside from the grammar.'

"I don't think you can get a peace prize for ending a war that you started."

"I''' have the misspelled 'Ceasar' salad and the improperly hyphenated veal osso-buco."

Shakespeare in the clink

'Yes, Mr. Osborne, this is an intervention. Your family had no other choice. Golf is an illness...'

"How the heck could you forget your sword?"

'Just tell him two quarts of milk and a pint of cream, Will- it doesn't have to be a sonnet.'

"Does it hurt when I do this?"

Writing For Dummies Books For Dummies.

Bring it on, Scrabble nerd! Want to tell him directly? What do you mean? There's a chat function so you can taunt other online Scrabble players. Just type in your insult and hit send. Have I died and gone to heaven? The internet. And I suspect it' met its match.

'Mother will catch you!'

'I Marianne, promise to see all of your games in sickness or in health, for richer or poorer until death do I watch.'

Pub Kendo.

"I like what you have here but the title seems a little pushy."

'After A Knights Hard Day'

Rebel without a cause. Poet without a war.

"Eddie, what were you thinking? Either wear boots or go barefoot."

-I think I've caught a cold -It's the only thing you've caught all day!

'It's a good building contract legally, but your jargon's weak.'