Sword Enthusiast Gifts

'Hi - I'm from the Government, and I'm here to help you.'

"Did you enter the correct password?"

Battle.

"Hey. That's an illegal fencing move."

'Surely thou canst not believe I'll fall for that one!'

Croquembouche.

"Heh, I've left a pin on his seat."

"Damn odd way to get rid of dandruff!"

'Well, well, well...look who dropped his little sword!'

DE LUXE body piercing.

The Lady of the Lake stabs a duck.

"I'm going to need to speak to someone from either personnel or maintenance."

'It's the technology of the future.'

Attila the Klutz.

"We like to make a big deal out of someone achieving partnership here."

"Wouldn't it be cool to live in the middle ages, Randy? We could roam the countryside on horses and carry swords?"

Seriously, NONE of them are serrated.

Boss, I need to go home, I have an awful toothache. I can't focus. I can't concentrate. It's like someone's stabbing me in the face with a samurai sword. Oh, that's not that bad. Let me know when it feels more like a NINJA sword. I'm not sure there's a difference. Apparently you can focus just fine.

"We're never going to resolve this if you won't get your own sword."

Warrior Woman

Wouldn't it be cool if we could live in the Middle Ages, Randy? We could roam the countryside on horses and carry swords. We could hang out in taverns and drink ale, maybe earn enough coin to hire a hero … Then we could go on a quest. Maybe slay some golems. I think it's a real sign of intellectual maturity that we haven't even mentioned maidens yet. Real Middle-Ages maidens would eat you for breakfast.

Epic Battles

"I'm just saying, maybe we wouldn't need the swords if we didn't wear these clothes."

'Next Please...' (Joe's Sharpening Service).

"It's time I got a bigger sword!"

Decapitated coffee.

"The Captain really, really hates losing at shuffleboard."

"I don't think you can get a peace prize for ending a war that you started."

'Damn, I knew that disabled access would be our undoing.'

"But if we win and the Visigoths lose then we're the wild card."

A barbarian warrior eats his breakfast

In/Out

"If we're musketeers, why can't we just shoot people? with muskets?"

Knights queue up to attempt to pull excalibur with a claw machine.

Triumphant mouse posing like Perseus holding aloft Medusa's head.