Sword Fight Aficionado Gifts

Dutchman picking the pocket of an Englishman whilst he is fighting with a Spaniard

"What's he going to do now, break wind?"

Warrior Woman

"We're never going to resolve this if you won't get your own sword."

"I'm just saying, maybe we wouldn't need the swords if we didn't wear these clothes."

Epic Battles

Wouldn't it be cool if we could live in the Middle Ages, Randy? We could roam the countryside on horses and carry swords. We could hang out in taverns and drink ale, maybe earn enough coin to hire a hero … Then we could go on a quest. Maybe slay some golems. I think it's a real sign of intellectual maturity that we haven't even mentioned maidens yet. Real Middle-Ages maidens would eat you for breakfast.

"Now, suppose some guy comes at you balanced between two blocks."

'Actually, there's no interview necessary. Just pull out the sword and the job's yours.'

"Tonight we dine with the devil. But tomorrow we really need to finish what's left in the fridge."

Decapitated coffee.

"But if we win and the Visigoths lose then we're the wild card."

"The Captain really, really hates losing at shuffleboard."

"If we're musketeers, why can't we just shoot people? with muskets?"

Triumphant mouse posing like Perseus holding aloft Medusa's head.

Gym. Instructor. Why do you want to learn kickboxing? I've always wanted to win a fight hands down!

"Does it hurt when I do this?"

A portrait comes alive and stabs its artist

Martial Arts

Pub Kendo.

'After A Knights Hard Day'

'So you have to ask yourself: do you feel lucky?...well do you, monk?'

"Eddie, what were you thinking? Either wear boots or go barefoot."

'That's the new budget team that came on board last week!'

Sawrd Fighting

'I'm going out to forge an alliance.'

The Headless Horseman claims his luggage.

An incident from the Eglinton Tournament, scene 2.

Swords for Making America Great Again

'They say he wears half-inch armor.'

Shirts vs Skins: 'I don't know about this.'

Scheduel.

I'm not fighting you until you show me your mask.

"Wouldn't it be cool to live in the middle ages, Randy? We could roam the countryside on horses and carry swords?"

"Hasn't this been the best first hundred days ever?"