Swordfight Fan Gifts

'I admire your courage, but why don't you quit while you're ahead!'

Cut Above

Kung food restaurant (Waiter flies through the air bringing the food).

"Hi-yah!"

Man practising karate is tempted by a glass of beer.

Warrior Woman

"We're never going to resolve this if you won't get your own sword."

Karataoke

Epic Battles

"I'm just saying, maybe we wouldn't need the swords if we didn't wear these clothes."

Wouldn't it be cool if we could live in the Middle Ages, Randy? We could roam the countryside on horses and carry swords. We could hang out in taverns and drink ale, maybe earn enough coin to hire a hero … Then we could go on a quest. Maybe slay some golems. I think it's a real sign of intellectual maturity that we haven't even mentioned maidens yet. Real Middle-Ages maidens would eat you for breakfast.

'Actually, there's no interview necessary. Just pull out the sword and the job's yours.'

"Tonight we dine with the devil. But tomorrow we really need to finish what's left in the fridge."

Decapitated coffee.

"The Captain really, really hates losing at shuffleboard."

"But if we win and the Visigoths lose then we're the wild card."

"If we're musketeers, why can't we just shoot people? with muskets?"

The Karate Kitten.

Triumphant mouse posing like Perseus holding aloft Medusa's head.

"Does it hurt when I do this?"

"What did I tell you about practicing on the cat?"

No one ever tried to rob the Samurai Bank.

A portrait comes alive and stabs its artist

'So you have to ask yourself: do you feel lucky?...well do you, monk?'

"Eddie, what were you thinking? Either wear boots or go barefoot."

'After A Knights Hard Day'

Wilbert wished he's taken those karate classes instead.

Pub Kendo.

It doesn't get any better than this --- Tai Chi with chai tea!

'I'm going out to forge an alliance.'

Sawrd Fighting

An incident from the Eglinton Tournament, scene 2.

'I thought you were supposed to break the wood with your hand, not the other way around.'

The Headless Horseman claims his luggage.

"Hasn't this been the best first hundred days ever?"