Sword Fanatic Gifts

"Does it hurt when I do this?"

"We're never going to resolve this if you won't get your own sword."

Warrior Woman

Wouldn't it be cool if we could live in the Middle Ages, Randy? We could roam the countryside on horses and carry swords. We could hang out in taverns and drink ale, maybe earn enough coin to hire a hero … Then we could go on a quest. Maybe slay some golems. I think it's a real sign of intellectual maturity that we haven't even mentioned maidens yet. Real Middle-Ages maidens would eat you for breakfast.

"I'm just saying, maybe we wouldn't need the swords if we didn't wear these clothes."

Epic Battles

Decapitated coffee.

"The Captain really, really hates losing at shuffleboard."

"But if we win and the Visigoths lose then we're the wild card."

"If we're musketeers, why can't we just shoot people? with muskets?"

Triumphant mouse posing like Perseus holding aloft Medusa's head.

'So you have to ask yourself: do you feel lucky?...well do you, monk?'

A portrait comes alive and stabs its artist

Pub Kendo.

'That's the new budget team that came on board last week!'

The Headless Horseman claims his luggage.

An incident from the Eglinton Tournament, scene 2.

Scheduel.

Shirts vs Skins: 'I don't know about this.'

Swords for Making America Great Again

"Sir George! How did it go with your jousting competition at the Renaissance Fair?"

"Hasn't this been the best first hundred days ever?"

'They say he wears half-inch armor.'

"But now it won't stay in mint condition."

"Wouldn't it be cool to live in the middle ages, Randy? We could roam the countryside on horses and carry swords?"

Fencing Lessons

Lord Chandler's personal problems had spread to the battlefield.

Battle.

I told you rust would set in if you went out in this weather.

"Have you given any more thought to my idea of using a sword?"

'Ready...and.....Rattle!'

The Lady of the Lake stabs a duck.

Fun at the Office: Touché Break.

'That's no lady - she hasn't even shaved her armpits.'

Man sharpening giant pencil with his sword