Sword Lore Fan Gifts

A bearded man holding a sword

Warrior Woman

"We're never going to resolve this if you won't get your own sword."

Epic Battles

"I'm just saying, maybe we wouldn't need the swords if we didn't wear these clothes."

Wouldn't it be cool if we could live in the Middle Ages, Randy? We could roam the countryside on horses and carry swords. We could hang out in taverns and drink ale, maybe earn enough coin to hire a hero … Then we could go on a quest. Maybe slay some golems. I think it's a real sign of intellectual maturity that we haven't even mentioned maidens yet. Real Middle-Ages maidens would eat you for breakfast.

Decapitated coffee.

"The Captain really, really hates losing at shuffleboard."

"But if we win and the Visigoths lose then we're the wild card."

"If we're musketeers, why can't we just shoot people? with muskets?"

Triumphant mouse posing like Perseus holding aloft Medusa's head.

"Does it hurt when I do this?"

'So you have to ask yourself: do you feel lucky?...well do you, monk?'

Pub Kendo.

A portrait comes alive and stabs its artist

'That's the new budget team that came on board last week!'

'I'm going out to forge an alliance.'

An incident from the Eglinton Tournament, scene 2.

The Headless Horseman claims his luggage.

Scheduel.

"Hasn't this been the best first hundred days ever?"

"Wouldn't it be cool to live in the middle ages, Randy? We could roam the countryside on horses and carry swords?"

A Knight slides down the stair rail.

Shirts vs Skins: 'I don't know about this.'

'They say he wears half-inch armor.'

Swords for Making America Great Again

"Sir George! How did it go with your jousting competition at the Renaissance Fair?"

Fencing Lessons

I told you rust would set in if you went out in this weather.

Lord Chandler's personal problems had spread to the battlefield.

Battle.

The Lady of the Lake stabs a duck.

'Ready...and.....Rattle!'

Fun at the Office: Touché Break.

'That's no lady - she hasn't even shaved her armpits.'