Sword Aficionado Gifts

Administrative Ninja

Wouldn't it be cool if we could live in the Middle Ages, Randy? We could roam the countryside on horses and carry swords. We could hang out in taverns and drink ale, maybe earn enough coin to hire a hero … Then we could go on a quest. Maybe slay some golems. I think it's a real sign of intellectual maturity that we haven't even mentioned maidens yet. Real Middle-Ages maidens would eat you for breakfast.

'They're searching for the King's Interventionist.'

'So you have to ask yourself: do you feel lucky?...well do you, monk?'

'As a typically observant medical provider, the extremely high levels of iron in your system have me quite puzzled.'

'It seems silly to me, too, but there's a local ordinance against handguns.'

"Hey! I got a lot done in one day!"

"Who's going to carve?"

Happy Knife, Happy Wife

Warrior Woman

"We're never going to resolve this if you won't get your own sword."

"I'm just saying, maybe we wouldn't need the swords if we didn't wear these clothes."

'Next Please...' (Joe's Sharpening Service).

Mr. Evers specifically asked for a plain coffee, not an espresso.

"It's time I got a bigger sword!"

Decapitated coffee.

In/Out

'Damn, I knew that disabled access would be our undoing.'

"But if we win and the Visigoths lose then we're the wild card."

"I don't think you can get a peace prize for ending a war that you started."

"The Captain really, really hates losing at shuffleboard."

A barbarian warrior eats his breakfast

Knights queue up to attempt to pull excalibur with a claw machine.

"If we're musketeers, why can't we just shoot people? with muskets?"

Triumphant mouse posing like Perseus holding aloft Medusa's head.

"Does it hurt when I do this?"

'None shall pass!'

Pub Kendo.

A portrait comes alive and stabs its artist

'That's the new budget team that came on board last week!'

The Headless Horseman claims his luggage.

'Look out, it's a double edged sword. . .'

"Wouldn't it be cool to live in the middle ages, Randy? We could roam the countryside on horses and carry swords?"

'They say he wears half-inch armor.'

Swords for Making America Great Again