Swim Coach Gifts

Dog swim teams: 'Give me 10 more laps!'

"You should see the size of the shark the Chinese are using."

Synchronized Swim Team - Shark in the Water.

'No swimming. No breathing.'

'I think he's doing ok, the coach says he has the attention span of a goldfish.'

Child about to jump off ironing board into bath.

'I can't believe this! Is there anyone here who isn't too chicken to jump?'

Lifeguard - Please Take A Number.

Swimming with dolphins./Swimming with a cow.

'Syncronised drowning.'

A swimmer doing the breast stroke on an armchair.

"There's one or two snagging issues."

"I said, you have to be active in your own rescue!"

"Get Back in!"

Skin Diving.

Artist Misses the Point

Monster Baseball. The team's continuing to have some problems this season. Jekyll is good one day and bad the next. Dracula only shows up for night games. The Mummy is always covered in bandages and on the injured list. And King Kong can't keep his mind on the game --- Whenever he sees a pretty woman, he climbs up into the stands after her! At least Frankenstein has been pitching great again, just like when he was young! Yeah, he has a completely new arm!

"You think you can? Think again, mister. You know you can. Got that?"

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

'Okay, ladies! We're not just going to burn those calories, we're going to drown them!'

Life with a professional baseball catcher.

Pool attached to child's bed.

Oscar would laugh whenever he recalled his empty existence before golf.

Go team!

"We first met on the net. We began to court, but between my foul mouth and Wilson being on the rebound...let's just say it was a long shot, but he pressed, and I was defenseless. Now, we're as 'hoopy' as can be."

"I AM at my usual position."

Punt Cake

'Will you lot come out! - the new kit's not that bad!'

'Dewey! Grandpa's stuck again. Give him a couple of whacks upside the head.'

"Lordy, I am such a klutz!"

"I wanted to be a baseball player 'til I found out they send you to the showers."

Snooker Golf.

'Gee, you beat Roger again!'

My coach wants me to go to soccer camp. Focusing on one sport isn't good for you. But mom! I'll develop crucial life skills. Let's see. "Landing endorsements, agents and college sports scholarships." The definition of "crucial".

'Did you want to bring on a sub'