Swim Coach T-Shirts

"You should see the size of the shark the Chinese are using."

'No swimming. No breathing.'

'I think he's doing ok, the coach says he has the attention span of a goldfish.'

Child about to jump off ironing board into bath.

'I can't believe this! Is there anyone here who isn't too chicken to jump?'

Lifeguard - Please Take A Number.

Swimming with dolphins./Swimming with a cow.

'Syncronised drowning.'

A swimmer doing the breast stroke on an armchair.

"There's one or two snagging issues."

"I said, you have to be active in your own rescue!"

"Get Back in!"

Skin Diving.

Artist Misses the Point

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

'Okay, ladies! We're not just going to burn those calories, we're going to drown them!'

Life with a professional baseball catcher.

Pool attached to child's bed.

Oscar would laugh whenever he recalled his empty existence before golf.

Go team!

'Will you lot come out! - the new kit's not that bad!'

"I AM at my usual position."

'Dewey! Grandpa's stuck again. Give him a couple of whacks upside the head.'

"Lordy, I am such a klutz!"

Punt Cake

"I wanted to be a baseball player 'til I found out they send you to the showers."

'Gee, you beat Roger again!'

Snooker Golf.

Even good cholesterol can develop an unhealthy sports addiction...

Saving a Heart

'I do a lot of icing. It's part of my mellowness.'

'Did you want to bring on a sub'

Personal conker trainer.

Cricket Accidents.

Political Candidates' Playbook Signals from the sidelines