Sweet Home Enthusiast Gifts

"The roof was just re-frosted last year. And did I mention custom peppermint windows?"

Do you mind if we stop calling this a "starter house" now?

"Forget about flowers, trust me, bring her honey: It's a sure way to one's heart..."

Newfangled contraceptions phobia: 'David, David, we're sinking! Our water bed has sprung a leak!'

Inventor of the Tudor spirit-level

"To keep warm in winter you're looking at a new central heating system costing £20,000."

I don't want to go out, I just want to stay in.

"I'm tired of this cave. I want a condo!"

Home Foreclosed Home.

'What makes you think the basement leaks?'

'Hey! By appointment only!!'

"You've got termites."

'Well I think everything is in order, congratulations on your new home!'

'A free goldfish with every house you buy!'

'Will this be a simple equity loan, or are you refinancing your whole marriage?'

'I know what you're thinking, honey, it's out of our price range but, wait till you see the size of the mailman's leg on this route!'

Fireplace Projector.

Oh, one door closes, another opens -- How have you been?

"Yes, I appreciate that it's a converted fire station. But I still think I'd prefer stairs."

'Brew?'

Nest building

'Phase Two : More of the same'

You're in violation of several bylaws, ma'am: Too many peppermint sticks, gingerbread shingles, sugar pollution of storm sewers - And with all the kids we've seen go in there, your occupancy clearly exceeds ordinances.

Changing house name.

"I'm so much more relaxed now that I got a reverse mortgage."

"Tia Carmen, is this our house or is it our home?"

'Cosy little kitchen, isn't it?'

"Homeowner please help."

'The Pentagon has ruled, Sargeant, since the barracks is your home,you can keep a dog, or a cat, but not both.'

"Careful in the bathroom—we just had it reimagined."

'Did you mess with the thermostat again?'

"Did you not hear me when I said I wanted a colonial?"

Repossessed Properties.

I don't care if they are a protected species, Henry, I'm calling the exterminator!!

An Englishman's home is his sand castle.