Home Sweet Homeowner Gifts

The Horn Of Extra Square Footage

Do you mind if we stop calling this a "starter house" now?

"Thanks! Carl put his heart and soul into it, along with, of course, lots of mud and a boatload of his own saliva."

"Careful. That house has a taser."

On Valentine's Day, sometimes you don't need cards, candy or flowers from the ones who love you.

I don't want to go out, I just want to stay in.

"At last we own our own apartment. I feel like a king."

'What makes you think the basement leaks?'

"I'm tired of this cave. I want a condo!"

Home Foreclosed Home.

'Hey! By appointment only!!'

"You've got termites."

'A free goldfish with every house you buy!'

'Well I think everything is in order, congratulations on your new home!'

'Will this be a simple equity loan, or are you refinancing your whole marriage?'

'I know what you're thinking, honey, it's out of our price range but, wait till you see the size of the mailman's leg on this route!'

"The bank rejected my application for a 2nd mortgage. They said they didn't have 1 in my size."

Oh, one door closes, another opens -- How have you been?

Nest building

'Phase Two : More of the same'

"I'm so much more relaxed now that I got a reverse mortgage."

Changing house name.

"Tia Carmen, is this our house or is it our home?"

'The Pentagon has ruled, Sargeant, since the barracks is your home,you can keep a dog, or a cat, but not both.'

'Cosy little kitchen, isn't it?'

'Well! Another near miss! Remind me not to listen to you next time you say it's okay to move in downstairs from a young family and that's not the reason the place was so cheap!'

"Homeowner please help."

I don't care if they are a protected species, Henry, I'm calling the exterminator!!

"Did you not hear me when I said I wanted a colonial?"

'I like child bearing HIPS!'

"Murray, I need you to push a little harder on my home sale. I'm starting to get a little under water on my mortgage."

'Are you thinking of selling your bijou residence?'

"Welcome to your new home, Dad."

"It says our homeowners insurance policy is subject to the following forms and endorsements..."

New house smell.