Surgical Satire Appreciator Gifts

"That's just in case we need to go in again."

'Hello, I'm Dr. Frank Stein and this is my anaesthetist, Dr. Ivan Gore. We'll be doing your hernia operation tomorrow.'

"Satisfaction, stat!"

'Did you remove my appendix? Yes, both of them.'

"Damn it, nurse! I didn't ask for a twenty. I asked for a ten and two fives."

"I give up. Where's the patient?'

"When Butcher Bob gets back from lunch this one is getting a vasectomy."

'You know what'll do wonders for you? A nose job.'

"Norton! Put that back at once!"

"It was a botched surgery."

"Whoops..."

"Let's just start cutting and see what happens."

'As for the tonsillectomy...there was a little mix-up... In other words, you now have cup size D!'

"We have a cow AND a pig heart valve. Then, we gave him chicken lips, and a farmhand. I recommend you register him with the USDA."

"...I'll send you for an amniocentesis."

"And there we have it, gentlemen! The first full face transplant swap of twins."

Paramedics.

'Two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, on a sesame seed bun.'

'My 'friend' has this problem, Doctor!'

'Brain surgery, Harold? Have you lost your mind?!'

Surgeons prepare for the world's first loopendectomy. Objective: Remove that part of the brain that plays the same snippet of music over the over and over.

'My patient needs a new kidney. Make any grave mistakes today?'

Doctor, I can't feel my legs! I know you can't, I had to amputate your arms.

Reflex Testing -"...and you're sure you can't feel it"

"Did you get some work done?"

"Your husband's operation was successful and he can now freely move his arms and legs!...You might want to consider having this surgery yourself!"

"Don't worry, I've performed this procedure hundreds of times."

Hospital Cleaning.

'You carry a rabbit's foot — well, that explains the rabbit fever.'

'We operated just in time. Another two days and you have got better on your own.'

"He's going to be fine. We're just putting his giblets back."

"If it takes the GMC 20 years to spot a rogue surgeon what chance have you got in 20 minutes?"

"No response doctor! The patient is sedated!"

'I need to reset his internal clock...does anyone have the correct time?'

"Of course I'm listening to your expression of spiritual suffering. Don't you see me making eye contact, striking an open posture, leaning towards you and nodding emphatically."