Surgical Satire Appreciator Gifts

"That's just in case we need to go in again."

'Hello, I'm Dr. Frank Stein and this is my anaesthetist, Dr. Ivan Gore. We'll be doing your hernia operation tomorrow.'

'Did you remove my appendix? Yes, both of them.'

"Satisfaction, stat!"

"Damn it, nurse! I didn't ask for a twenty. I asked for a ten and two fives."

"I give up. Where's the patient?'

"When Butcher Bob gets back from lunch this one is getting a vasectomy."

'You know what'll do wonders for you? A nose job.'

"Norton! Put that back at once!"

"It was a botched surgery."

"Whoops..."

"Let's just start cutting and see what happens."

'As for the tonsillectomy...there was a little mix-up... In other words, you now have cup size D!'

"...I'll send you for an amniocentesis."

'My 'friend' has this problem, Doctor!'

'Brain surgery, Harold? Have you lost your mind?!'

'Two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, on a sesame seed bun.'

Paramedics.

"And there we have it, gentlemen! The first full face transplant swap of twins."

Surgeons prepare for the world's first loopendectomy. Objective: Remove that part of the brain that plays the same snippet of music over the over and over.

'My patient needs a new kidney. Make any grave mistakes today?'

Reflex Testing -"...and you're sure you can't feel it"

Doctor, I can't feel my legs! I know you can't, I had to amputate your arms.

"If it takes the GMC 20 years to spot a rogue surgeon what chance have you got in 20 minutes?"

"He's going to be fine. We're just putting his giblets back."

"No response doctor! The patient is sedated!"

"Don't worry, I've performed this procedure hundreds of times."

'We operated just in time. Another two days and you have got better on your own.'

'You carry a rabbit's foot — well, that explains the rabbit fever.'

"Did you get some work done?"

Hospital Cleaning.

'I need to reset his internal clock...does anyone have the correct time?'

"Of course I'm listening to your expression of spiritual suffering. Don't you see me making eye contact, striking an open posture, leaning towards you and nodding emphatically."

'You'll be aware during the entire procedure because our anesthetic has been recalled by the F.D.A.'