Surgery Satire Collector Gifts

'Well, what do I have?...Within reason, of course.'

"Damn it, nurse! I didn't ask for a twenty. I asked for a ten and two fives."

"Satisfaction, stat!"

'Did you remove my appendix? Yes, both of them.'

"Grandmother, what big diastolic numbers you have."

"Assisting me with this delicate procedure is Dr. Warren. He's one of the top specialists in avoiding malpractice suits."

"I give up. Where's the patient?'

'Now that's what I call rejection.'

"If this isn't successful, the next one is on us."

"It was a botched surgery."

'You know what'll do wonders for you? A nose job.'

"Your test results are back. We're going to have to remove your appendix and your wallet."

'The donor for your face transplant was a Mr. Bonzo.'

"When Butcher Bob gets back from lunch this one is getting a vasectomy."

'We've GOT to get the bullet out,,,'

"Norton! Put that back at once!"

'Pardon me, Doctor; but exactly where did you study anaesthesiology?'

"Whoops..."

"Let's just start cutting and see what happens."

Man sees sign on hospital: 'Heart Surgeons Wanted' 'Immediate Openings'

'As for the tonsillectomy...there was a little mix-up... In other words, you now have cup size D!'

'Last year's 'Bring your pet to work day' turned out very well.'

'We can't afford advertising like this! That's one page for the drug and two just for the side effects!'

'Brain surgery, Harold? Have you lost your mind?!'

'Dr. Bone's first opening for a new patient is 2 months from now. Will that work for you?'

Surgeons prepare for the world's first loopendectomy. Objective: Remove that part of the brain that plays the same snippet of music over the over and over.

"If it's an expensive surgery, we now implant a GPS tracking device for the hospital's collections department."

"And there we have it, gentlemen! The first full face transplant swap of twins."

'My patient needs a new kidney. Make any grave mistakes today?'

"I'm afraid we've had to move him to expensive care."

'You can have general anesthesia or just be numbed from the wallet down.'

'Remember the NHS ethos; if it ain't broke, break it. Then make sure it can't be mended.'

"Good?"