Surgery Satire Collector Pillows

Elephant nose jobs

"No, I won't write your prescription legibly...you'd just google it and ask a lot of dumb questions."

'Well, what do I have?...Within reason, of course.'

'Did you remove my appendix? Yes, both of them.'

"Damn it, nurse! I didn't ask for a twenty. I asked for a ten and two fives."

"Satisfaction, stat!"

"Grandmother, what big diastolic numbers you have."

"Assisting me with this delicate procedure is Dr. Warren. He's one of the top specialists in avoiding malpractice suits."

"I give up. Where's the patient?'

'Now that's what I call rejection.'

'We've GOT to get the bullet out,,,'

"It was a botched surgery."

"Norton! Put that back at once!"

"Your test results are back. We're going to have to remove your appendix and your wallet."

"If this isn't successful, the next one is on us."

'The donor for your face transplant was a Mr. Bonzo.'

'Pardon me, Doctor; but exactly where did you study anaesthesiology?'

'You know what'll do wonders for you? A nose job.'

"When Butcher Bob gets back from lunch this one is getting a vasectomy."

"Whoops..."

Man sees sign on hospital: 'Heart Surgeons Wanted' 'Immediate Openings'

"Let's just start cutting and see what happens."

'As for the tonsillectomy...there was a little mix-up... In other words, you now have cup size D!'

"We have a cow AND a pig heart valve. Then, we gave him chicken lips, and a farmhand. I recommend you register him with the USDA."

'We can't afford advertising like this! That's one page for the drug and two just for the side effects!'

'Last year's 'Bring your pet to work day' turned out very well.'

Surgeons prepare for the world's first loopendectomy. Objective: Remove that part of the brain that plays the same snippet of music over the over and over.

"And there we have it, gentlemen! The first full face transplant swap of twins."

'Brain surgery, Harold? Have you lost your mind?!'

"If it's an expensive surgery, we now implant a GPS tracking device for the hospital's collections department."

'Dr. Bone's first opening for a new patient is 2 months from now. Will that work for you?'

'My patient needs a new kidney. Make any grave mistakes today?'

"I'm afraid we've had to move him to expensive care."

'You can have general anesthesia or just be numbed from the wallet down.'

'Remember the NHS ethos; if it ain't broke, break it. Then make sure it can't be mended.'