Supernatural Comedian Gifts

Physician tending a mummy.

"I said the males were 'evolving' – I didn't say they were 'maturing.'"

'If Earwigs looked like baby seals:'

'Hang on a minute: What does 'IVF' mean?!'

"Honestly, I didn't know your wife was in the shower."

Doglike man to vampire: 'Call me an apprentice werewolf, or even a beginner werewolf, but don't call me an under werewolf!'

'I hate to say I told you so, Larry, but that's why you check your car for bears before you put on your seatbelt.'

Penguin

'Because the horned one commands them to, that's how!'

'And I thought I had a big egg to lay.'

'Goodness, the potholes are deep this year, aren't they?'

"I see you have extensive wood chuckery experience."

"...They must be poor catchers, there's two men behind the plate."

"A man threatens to destroy town with army of turtles after dispute with city hall. Local authorities initiate a shell-ter in place in preparation for the noc-turtle invasion."

'We're cutting you some slack because you just died but normally we frown on devil's food.'

Alligator Bars

'Boy, that felt good! I can see why the devil has so much fun. And no, I'm not letting you in! But tell him I said hello.'

"It all comes down to the aging and fermentation process."

"Have you noticed Carl never leaves the field to go to the bathroom?"

'That pretty much kills my appendicitis diagnosis.'

"This heat transfer dance had better work. I'm freezing my tail off!"

It says, Did you know you can now call up any spirit for just 10

Eye of Newt Helper

Crossing Guard to rabbit at Deer Crossing: 'Not so fast, buddy - you don't look like a deer to me!'

"It doesn't make me feel sexy, it makes me cross-eyed!"

"How come Dracula's hair looked so neat if he can't look in a mirror"

Whaaaah!(Scarey ghost shaped fart).

'A tortoise is coming toward us' 'I newt' 'I toad you' 'Great, I'm on Walden Pun.'

After talking one stranger to death, Velma starts in on the next.

Vampire Couple, "I suppose you're out again for your usual eight pints?"

"All this running around you do at night … it’s killing your mother."

"I think it stands for, 'Please Eat the Activist,' which is exactly what I did!"

Birth of a shy/paranoid bird.

'Maybe the Universe isn't expanding -- maybe it's just you.'

Other things trees do in the forest when nobody's there to hear: