Supernatural Comedian T-Shirts

Physician tending a mummy.

"I said the males were 'evolving' – I didn't say they were 'maturing.'"

'If Earwigs looked like baby seals:'

'Hang on a minute: What does 'IVF' mean?!'

"Honestly, I didn't know your wife was in the shower."

Doglike man to vampire: 'Call me an apprentice werewolf, or even a beginner werewolf, but don't call me an under werewolf!'

'I hate to say I told you so, Larry, but that's why you check your car for bears before you put on your seatbelt.'

'Because the horned one commands them to, that's how!'

Penguin

'And I thought I had a big egg to lay.'

'Goodness, the potholes are deep this year, aren't they?'

"I see you have extensive wood chuckery experience."

"A man threatens to destroy town with army of turtles after dispute with city hall. Local authorities initiate a shell-ter in place in preparation for the noc-turtle invasion."

"...They must be poor catchers, there's two men behind the plate."

'Boy, that felt good! I can see why the devil has so much fun. And no, I'm not letting you in! But tell him I said hello.'

'We're cutting you some slack because you just died but normally we frown on devil's food.'

"It all comes down to the aging and fermentation process."

Alligator Bars

"Have you noticed Carl never leaves the field to go to the bathroom?"

'That pretty much kills my appendicitis diagnosis.'

"This heat transfer dance had better work. I'm freezing my tail off!"

Crossing Guard to rabbit at Deer Crossing: 'Not so fast, buddy - you don't look like a deer to me!'

Eye of Newt Helper

Vampire Couple, "I suppose you're out again for your usual eight pints?"

"It doesn't make me feel sexy, it makes me cross-eyed!"

"All this running around you do at night … it’s killing your mother."

Whaaaah!(Scarey ghost shaped fart).

"How come Dracula's hair looked so neat if he can't look in a mirror"

'A tortoise is coming toward us' 'I newt' 'I toad you' 'Great, I'm on Walden Pun.'

"I think it stands for, 'Please Eat the Activist,' which is exactly what I did!"

Birth of a shy/paranoid bird.

'Maybe the Universe isn't expanding -- maybe it's just you.'

Other things trees do in the forest when nobody's there to hear:

A tortoise tries to mate with an igloo.