Super Secure Gifts

'With all the cars being stolen these days, I went out and bought the strongest security system I could afford.'

The Anti-Agent

"The report is clear that cyber crime is on the increase, it's a worry."

UK border controls relaxed.

High security Santa's grotto

"This is a neighbourhood vigilante area."

'With the increase in hacking, the I.T. department has proposed sealing all of our data in blister packs.'

"He's a guard dog."

'Well, you got the dog to protect you against criminals. Perhaps now you'll have to hire a criminal to protect you from the dog.'

"OK, you're good and just the guy we need in security."

"I'm not sure if we're named after passwords or vice versa."

"Someone’s in the kitchen. Did you lock up my kibble?"

No Soliciting

Super Strength, Impervious to Bullets And Explosions

"I see you've security marked your property."

"Yes, it's a safe: I was fed up with my winter provisions being raided by freeloaders!"

"Check the setting. I'm sure the CIA isn't hacking into our appliances just to burn your toast."

'Nobody ever before had took much notice of Granny's homemade flour-sack bloomers.'

"The smart toaster is down, and it took our wifi, security cameras, and entertainment systems with it."

"Good heavens William, what have you downloaded off the internet this time?"

'Best watchdog I ever had!'

"It's a fantastic computer! It's so old that none of today's hackers know how to hack it!"

"My dream is to have a little house and a white picket fence wired with explosives."

'You can all relax and resume your game. The unattended bag discovered on the infield turned out to be the second base.'

"Beware of Don"

Scarecrows guarding a field

Moulin Rouge Security

CIA, 'Confound it, Ruggles -- we're SUPPOSED to be worrywarts'

''Junk Yard Dog' just sounds so much cooler.'