Encryption Gifts

"Ed always wears a poker face. His specialty is password encryption at the NSA."

The Anti-Agent

In the Guru District

"You're losing the audience. Switch to the Powerpoint presentation."

"M'lady, we’ve reached peak Brooklyn."

'Past performance is not an indication of future results.'

"Agamemnon and Clytemnestra have decided to separate amicably."

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

Dear, could you please pick up some batteries? The ones in the remote are dead and I feel like I'm Amish.

When Ted and Nancy would dance, it was as if they were the only couple on the floor....

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

'I had my attorney draw this up. It states that if I choose to rise, I don't necessarily have to shine.'

"Before you chop off my head, don't you think we should see a counsellor?"

"I'll bet your're a Taurus. Right?"

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

Life is for the birds.

'Progress of a bookshelf'

"In lieu of a pre-nup we decided just to label everything."

"I invited a few friends over who think you should see a psychiatrist."

Give us a drink that says "we're in love." Oh no, not again. Today's Special. Latte + 1hr web $12.50. We're back together. We're celebrating. Give us my darling pudding pie's favorite drink. A cinnamon mocha latte with a peppermint lollipop swizzle stick. Excuse me?! That is not my favorite drink ... dear. My favorite drink is a cinnamon mocha latte with a spearmint lollipop swizzle stick ... dear. I am so sorry ... snookums. How could I have possibly been so heartless and thoughtless as to con

"Jackie, why does your relationship status read ‘capitulated to’ me?!"

'They all want to play the star.'

"Stepping on the gown never works. They run faster without it."

I'm looking for a man who can meet my needs - Cream meringue master-chef.

"...and someone with no fleas. Anything else?"

'Oh my God. I love it!'

'Do you think it might be possible that what you wear could be a contributing factor to your relationship problems?'

Romance

"Yes, I'm from London. 'Which part?' you ask. Well all of me!"

"No, no - it was great. It's just that sometime I'd like to try it missionary style."

Rage.

"You do like octopus?"

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: The Science of Love

Right click for yes...