Encryption Pillows

"Ed always wears a poker face. His specialty is password encryption at the NSA."

The Anti-Agent

In the Guru District

"M'lady, we’ve reached peak Brooklyn."

'Past performance is not an indication of future results.'

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

"Agamemnon and Clytemnestra have decided to separate amicably."

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

Dear, could you please pick up some batteries? The ones in the remote are dead and I feel like I'm Amish.

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

Life is for the birds.

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

When Ted and Nancy would dance, it was as if they were the only couple on the floor....

"I'll bet your're a Taurus. Right?"

'I had my attorney draw this up. It states that if I choose to rise, I don't necessarily have to shine.'

"Before you chop off my head, don't you think we should see a counsellor?"

"In lieu of a pre-nup we decided just to label everything."

'Progress of a bookshelf'

"I invited a few friends over who think you should see a psychiatrist."

"Yes, I'm from London. 'Which part?' you ask. Well all of me!"

"You do like octopus?"

"No, no - it was great. It's just that sometime I'd like to try it missionary style."

I'm looking for a man who can meet my needs - Cream meringue master-chef.

'Oh my God. I love it!'

'They all want to play the star.'

Rage.

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: The Science of Love

"Stepping on the gown never works. They run faster without it."

"...and someone with no fleas. Anything else?"

Romance

"Jackie, why does your relationship status read ‘capitulated to’ me?!"

Right click for yes...

UK border controls relaxed.