Security Gifts

'I have the MRI scan of your brain. The right hemisphere is clogged with computer passwords.'

"What happened to the good old days when people just breached contracts?'

In Case Of Whistle-blower Break Glass.

"No doubt you're asking yourself, what are hatches? And how the heck does one go about battening them down?"

'I don't care if this security software was a bargain; it shouldn't reply with 'close enough' when I enter the wrong password.'

"Oh, I forgot that you missed the meeting. Our data security team added some new protection when accessing patient data files."

'The new hidden cameras will allow us to see if anyone is violating our privacy policy by reading someone else's email.'

Man selling Security Systems: 'If that's too expensive for you, perhaps I could interest you in a false sense of security.'

The Fort Knox Gold Depository has a key under the mat

Taxicab security.

Watching The Watchers.

'Can't say. It's private.'

"Oh, we used to use a crystal ball, but hacking into your credit files is much more informative!"

"They're fake. Part of the new false sense of security system."

'I don't know who those Cybers are, but I'm ready for their attack!'

'It's a foolproof computer network, sir, that no one can break into, not even a kid.'

ATM. To verify you are who you say you are, stick head through hole.

"I don't want to alarm anyone, but our cybersecurity team told us to be on the lookout for deepfakes."

'That's our head of security.'

'Contract? No contract. We do all our business with nothing more than a handshake.'

'He's in charge of shredding documents.'

"A hacker logged into my fitness tracker and stole all my steps."

You are Here. We know where you've been.

'This biometric ID badge is part of the new security system. The badge contains my encoded retinal scan, fingerprints, and level of job enthusiasm.'

'Hello, Mr. Thomas! We noticed you've recently been mugged! Hey, there's no better time than now to consider purchasing our identity theft protection insurance!...'

"Call it excessive if you like, but none of our guests have ever pinched anything..."

"...This one comes with the latest security devices...'

A man realises surveillance cameras are on him at the urinal.

"What do we do with all this data we collect on you? Sorry, that's privileged information."

"Joe, is that you? Can you really hear me? What's the password for the email?"

'Relax! It's you!'

'These symbols are indecipherable. I think these must be the precursors of CAPTCHAS.'

"To verify you are the person who answered the phone, May I have your social security number and a major credit card."

'I'm very concerned about the surveillance society.'

Smaller safes inside bigger safes.