Security Management Gifts

"You're free to go but next time you want to film on location here, don't tell a passenger you're here to shoot a pilot."

'Oh God, trust security to have found the hidden agenda!'

The Anti-Agent

"Now, were those friends of your Gettys or Gottis?"

"The report is clear that cyber crime is on the increase, it's a worry."

UK border controls relaxed.

'The fun begins when we go through airport security.'

High security Santa's grotto

'As it's your first day we're going to start you on something easy.'

'What's wrong with our new shed? Nothing - I'm sat out here guarding it.'

"This is a neighbourhood vigilante area."

'With the increase in hacking, the I.T. department has proposed sealing all of our data in blister packs.'

"He's a guard dog."

"I'm not sure if we're named after passwords or vice versa."

"OK, you're good and just the guy we need in security."

'Well, you got the dog to protect you against criminals. Perhaps now you'll have to hire a criminal to protect you from the dog.'

"Someone’s in the kitchen. Did you lock up my kibble?"

Dog barking at everything except a burglar.

"I see you've security marked your property."

"Yes, it's a safe: I was fed up with my winter provisions being raided by freeloaders!"

'Nobody ever before had took much notice of Granny's homemade flour-sack bloomers.'

"Don’t you eyeball me, Ed! That’s right, look down at the table. Only technicians who remember to back up the data can look at me! And if you start to cry I will fire you!"

"On a positive note, he's not our boss. He's the guy who stole our boss's identity."

"Check the setting. I'm sure the CIA isn't hacking into our appliances just to burn your toast."

"You're either lying or not telling the truth."

"You work well without supervision? Fat chance of that happening in here!"

The Scanner Of Love.

Dogs stealing cat food - Vice Squad orders 'Stay!'

Privacy Conference Security

OK! I promise that the questions will be easy!

"Well the good news is that we did save a little money by not investing in cyber crime protection...."

Kid arrives with CCTV camera, saying: 'It followed me home, can we keep it?'

"Of course, if they ever start to suspect all their TVs are watching them back, we may have problems."

Shaped Much Different: Vietnam and Afghanistan.

A Little Extra