Security Systems Gifts

Safe under mattress.

'It's just until we get the lock fixed.'

"I'm sure it increases your sense of security, Mr. Bromer, but I do wish you'd go back to your little blanket."

'My new security system vaporizes anyone who gets too close to my bike. I'm going to miss Jim.'

Automation of Security

Kid arrives with CCTV camera, saying: 'It followed me home, can we keep it?'

'What's wrong with our new shed? Nothing - I'm sat out here guarding it.'

'Well, no wonder we haven't been able to leave. Someone left this stupid think on!'

'We've been robbed!'

'So much for transparency!'

Chickens with high-voltage gate security system.

Protected by Boiling Oil Security Systems

'Don't worry, our security system is impeccable.'

'You know, we really need to get a security system installed.'

Monitor Lizard.

'Are you sure that's referring to me? I thought it was about YOU.'

"Cute, but is he a good guard?"

'He's our best security monitor ever!'

"Sighhh. There's no snooze button on burglar alarms..."

A security guard is being filmed by a camera.

Dinner in 30 Mins

Facial Recognition Software Installed

'Bob installed a lazer security system. He's a little protective of his new car.'

'Mr. Schmenk will see you now...IN PERSON.'

'Give it a kick. That usually does it.'

"Security? The facial recognition system likes my face. It let me in but won't let me out."

Welcome Mat

Guard Turtle

'Our body scanner has broken down, so I'm going to have to imagine what you look like with no clothes on!'

"We've installed false alarms in all the offices."

Warning: Anything recorded on security cameras may be used at peak viewing time.

Desert Oasis: No Loitering

"Integrating facial recognition with our metadata means we'll never forget a face...or anything else!"

'...I still the the anti-personnel mines are a bit over the top!'

"We try to rehabilitate our inmates by giving them new skills. 763 here for instance is training to be a locksmith."