Data Security Gifts

"We need to start listening to our customers."

Databank - 'If you did it, we know about it.'

"One more time, Mr Claus - who sold you the data?"

'True, we don't give out personal information, but every once in a while, the computer takes it upon itself to spill the beans.'

'Let me introduce you to James, our data steward, Bill, our data custodian, and 'Moose,' our data bodyguard.'

"And who's been trawling through my personal information?"

"So, it's agreed - we go ahead with the information-matching."

"Sorry, honey, I can't talk now. I'm in the midst of some very intense negotiations with Bill Gates on the electronic rights to you and the kids."

Facial Recognition

The NSA organizes its new sprawling data farm based on the different types of web traffic...

'By putting all our data into code, our competitors can't read it, our unathorized personnel can't read it, and I'm afraid, neither can we.'

'I made a backup disc. Then I realized I wanted a backup of the backup. Then I decided just to be safe, to make a backup of that backup...'

"...How do you feel about anyone anywhere having access to your data?"

'I'm really starting to worry about the AI-based system interface.'

'You're insecure because your data is unsecured.'

"I just found out a hacker stole my identity crisis."

Shred-a Data - We shred into much smaller pieces.

'Thank goodness I saved that document on diskette.'

"The new computer is great, but we can't get rid of the old one. It knows too much."

It's spooky how Amazon can track you down

"It's none of our business? Au contraire!"

"I worry that our devices collect personal and sensitive information about us."

"Maybe now's not the time to tell him his data has also been leaked."

Uncle Sam is a Pedophile

"The good news is your virus infection is gone. The bad news is it infected your electronic health records."

"Our Internet server may be able to sell our browsing history." "Maybe there's no point from changing my password from password.

'Our techies assure us no one stole the data. There were no hackers involved. We just lost it, all by ourselves.'

'Okay, whoever you are, step away from that computer and take that hideous Halloween mask off!'

'That's right, just drop your old computers here...and I'll take care of any data.'

The Anti-Agent

British savings accounts

Robots search for people's personal information in the cloud.

'Human Error .. Yet Again.'

"The report is clear that cyber crime is on the increase, it's a worry."

UK border controls relaxed.