School Security Gifts

"If you're not doing anything wrong, there's nothing to worry about."

"He's not here to keep someone from breaking in. He's here to keep students from breaking out!"

The Anti-Agent

UK border controls relaxed.

Thanks to her cat-cam, Cheryl was able to keep her furniture from being shredded while she was at work.

High security Santa's grotto

"Don't wait up. I'll be working late again tonight."

"This is a neighbourhood vigilante area."

"Someone’s in the kitchen. Did you lock up my kibble?"

'Well, you got the dog to protect you against criminals. Perhaps now you'll have to hire a criminal to protect you from the dog.'

"He's a guard dog."

"I'm not sure if we're named after passwords or vice versa."

No Soliciting

"I see you've security marked your property."

"Yes, it's a safe: I was fed up with my winter provisions being raided by freeloaders!"

"Check the setting. I'm sure the CIA isn't hacking into our appliances just to burn your toast."

The Scanner Of Love.

"The smart toaster is down, and it took our wifi, security cameras, and entertainment systems with it."

'Nobody ever before had took much notice of Granny's homemade flour-sack bloomers.'

"On a positive note, he's not our boss. He's the guy who stole our boss's identity."

'Best watchdog I ever had!'

"Coronavirus, masks requirements, falling test scores, student violence - we need to be able to pray in school!"

'You can all relax and resume your game. The unattended bag discovered on the infield turned out to be the second base.'

Scarecrows guarding a field

A Little Extra

''Junk Yard Dog' just sounds so much cooler.'

Moulin Rouge Security

"Beware of Don"

"My dream is to have a little house and a white picket fence wired with explosives."

CIA, 'Confound it, Ruggles -- we're SUPPOSED to be worrywarts'

Death to the Extremists

"We've created a safe, nonjudgmental environment that will leave you child ill-prepared for real life."

"All it will do is move crime to the South Pole."

"Sorry kid, I work alone."

'I'm afraid we're going to have to let you go, Richter. The crime rate has dropped.'