Campus Security Gifts

'I'm with the Campus Police, ma'am... we had a tip than someone in this dorm may be reading for pleasure.'

"His first day as campus police and he just saw too many kids with backpacks and electronic devices in their hands."

The Anti-Agent

"The report is clear that cyber crime is on the increase, it's a worry."

UK border controls relaxed.

High security Santa's grotto

"This is a neighbourhood vigilante area."

"Someone’s in the kitchen. Did you lock up my kibble?"

'Well, you got the dog to protect you against criminals. Perhaps now you'll have to hire a criminal to protect you from the dog.'

"He's a guard dog."

"I'm not sure if we're named after passwords or vice versa."

"OK, you're good and just the guy we need in security."

"I see you've security marked your property."

"Yes, it's a safe: I was fed up with my winter provisions being raided by freeloaders!"

"Check the setting. I'm sure the CIA isn't hacking into our appliances just to burn your toast."

The Scanner Of Love.

'Nobody ever before had took much notice of Granny's homemade flour-sack bloomers.'

"On a positive note, he's not our boss. He's the guy who stole our boss's identity."

Airport Security. Just pass the wand over them, Ernie. Keep your "abracadabras" to yourself.

'You can all relax and resume your game. The unattended bag discovered on the infield turned out to be the second base.'

Scarecrows guarding a field

A Little Extra

''Junk Yard Dog' just sounds so much cooler.'

Death to the Extremists

Moulin Rouge Security

'We're looking for somebody to work on our new top secret project. Can you tell me what kind of experience you have?'

"Beware of Don"

CIA, 'Confound it, Ruggles -- we're SUPPOSED to be worrywarts'

Clickbait

"We occasionally remove content that is considered to be subversive, or a potential threat to public order and national security."

"All it will do is move crime to the South Pole."

"Since we installed the video surveillance system we're losing fewer socks."

The Best Defense

"We've been cancelled."

'I'm afraid we're going to have to let you go, Richter. The crime rate has dropped.'