Corporate Security Gifts

Workers are running out of one door labeled 'Reactive Business Intelligence,' while another worker in the next room sits calmly behind a door with a sign that reads, 'Proactive Business Intelligence.'

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

The Anti-Agent

In basket-case.

"Worst case of month-end burnout I ever saw."

"Sorry, we've found an app that's better at being you than you!"

37 years in the same position.

UK border controls relaxed.

"I hate performance review season."

High security Santa's grotto

"Here, we do not procrastinate, we 'table' things."

'I went to my boss and demanded the fruits of my labor. He gave me a Blackberry.'

"This is a neighbourhood vigilante area."

'Well, you got the dog to protect you against criminals. Perhaps now you'll have to hire a criminal to protect you from the dog.'

"I'm not sure if we're named after passwords or vice versa."

"He's a guard dog."

"Someone’s in the kitchen. Did you lock up my kibble?"

"I see you've security marked your property."

'Nobody ever before had took much notice of Granny's homemade flour-sack bloomers.'

"Don’t you eyeball me, Ed! That’s right, look down at the table. Only technicians who remember to back up the data can look at me! And if you start to cry I will fire you!"

The Scanner Of Love.

"On a positive note, he's not our boss. He's the guy who stole our boss's identity."

"Yes, it's a safe: I was fed up with my winter provisions being raided by freeloaders!"

"Check the setting. I'm sure the CIA isn't hacking into our appliances just to burn your toast."

'According to the budget, we'll have to count on body heat to keep the offices warm.'

'I'm not worried about losing my job. I'm worried about keeping it.'

Moulin Rouge Security

"First the good news - one of us hasn't been made redundant."

Scarecrows guarding a field

"My boss had security escort me out of the office today. I'm worried this means I won't be getting a bonus."

"Beware of Don"

'You can all relax and resume your game. The unattended bag discovered on the infield turned out to be the second base.'

''Junk Yard Dog' just sounds so much cooler.'

CIA, 'Confound it, Ruggles -- we're SUPPOSED to be worrywarts'

Death to the Extremists