Bank Security Gifts

"I picked you to rob because you have a kind and honest face."

The Football Bank Robber.

Suicide Hold-up.

'Could we pay you the parking fine? We've got to go out of town.'

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

The Anti-Agent

37 years in the same position.

"Sorry, we've found an app that's better at being you than you!"

UK border controls relaxed.

Thanks to her cat-cam, Cheryl was able to keep her furniture from being shredded while she was at work.

"One more time, Mr Claus - who sold you the data?"

High security Santa's grotto

"This is a neighbourhood vigilante area."

"Don't wait up. I'll be working late again tonight."

"He's a guard dog."

"Someone’s in the kitchen. Did you lock up my kibble?"

'Well, you got the dog to protect you against criminals. Perhaps now you'll have to hire a criminal to protect you from the dog.'

No Soliciting

"I'm not sure if we're named after passwords or vice versa."

"I see you've security marked your property."

The Scanner Of Love.

"Check the setting. I'm sure the CIA isn't hacking into our appliances just to burn your toast."

'Nobody ever before had took much notice of Granny's homemade flour-sack bloomers.'

"The smart toaster is down, and it took our wifi, security cameras, and entertainment systems with it."

"Yes, it's a safe: I was fed up with my winter provisions being raided by freeloaders!"

"On a positive note, he's not our boss. He's the guy who stole our boss's identity."

Death to the Extremists

Moulin Rouge Security

A Little Extra

Scarecrows guarding a field

'Best watchdog I ever had!'

"My boss had security escort me out of the office today. I'm worried this means I won't be getting a bonus."

CIA, 'Confound it, Ruggles -- we're SUPPOSED to be worrywarts'

"Beware of Don"

"First the good news - one of us hasn't been made redundant."