Mall Security Gifts

'I'm going to need backup on two. 'The situation' is escalating.'

You Are Here

The Anti-Agent

UK border controls relaxed.

High security Santa's grotto

"Don't wait up. I'll be working late again tonight."

"This is a neighbourhood vigilante area."

Mall Directory: You aren't here x - where the heck are you?

"Someone’s in the kitchen. Did you lock up my kibble?"

'Well, you got the dog to protect you against criminals. Perhaps now you'll have to hire a criminal to protect you from the dog.'

"He's a guard dog."

"I'm not sure if we're named after passwords or vice versa."

"I see you've security marked your property."

'Nobody ever before had took much notice of Granny's homemade flour-sack bloomers.'

"Check the setting. I'm sure the CIA isn't hacking into our appliances just to burn your toast."

The Scanner Of Love.

"On a positive note, he's not our boss. He's the guy who stole our boss's identity."

"Sure, shopping online is faster and cheaper, but there's something almost sensuous about carrying an armload of packages!"

"Yes, it's a safe: I was fed up with my winter provisions being raided by freeloaders!"

'I love shopping for clothing I don't need with money I don't have.'

"Beware of Don"

Moulin Rouge Security

Death to the Extremists

CIA, 'Confound it, Ruggles -- we're SUPPOSED to be worrywarts'

''Junk Yard Dog' just sounds so much cooler.'

A Little Extra

Scarecrows guarding a field

'You can all relax and resume your game. The unattended bag discovered on the infield turned out to be the second base.'

"All it will do is move crime to the South Pole."

'I'm afraid we're going to have to let you go, Richter. The crime rate has dropped.'

"We've been cancelled."

Mou...Man trap!

The Best Defense

"Since we installed the video surveillance system we're losing fewer socks."

"Well, I have an opening in Cloverdale Mall ... let me hear you say Ho Ho Ho."