Mall Cop Gifts

"Hmmm...can I get something a little cheaper? This is a little more than I intended to steal."

"While we do appreciate your diligence... It's not the store's policy to shoot shoplifters!"

"Don't taser me, Bro!!! Does he know we're Mall Cops?"

High security Santa's grotto

Mall Directory: You aren't here x - where the heck are you?

"Sure, shopping online is faster and cheaper, but there's something almost sensuous about carrying an armload of packages!"

"Some fitting room. Nothing fits!"

Pirates at the mall.

"Well, I have an opening in Cloverdale Mall ... let me hear you say Ho Ho Ho."

Where there's a Mall--There's a Way.

"OK, I know that this is borderline inappropriate, but just hear me out ..."

Cars follow the sign to the mall rather than the sign to the manger.

'It's my mother. She wants to talk to you.'

'We're dangerous when we shop. We're really really dangerous when we don't shop.'

'You're out of '50 Great Years of Mindless Consumerism?' How about 'Celebrating America's Shopping Malls?' That one, too?'

'Does my bum look big in this?'

'It seems to be pretty easy, chief. The victim was a fishmonger and we've got a motive, a culprit and a murder weapon.'

"I always wondered why they called you detectives, 'gum shoes'."

When asked to show some identification,the policemen produced their badgers.

'No, officer, I'm not a homeless beggar. I'm just waiting on my wife while she's shopping.'

"Rabbi Mandelbaum?"

Mall: "We always hold hands - If I let go, she shops."

'Oh, how moving, it's a woodland burial, Dennis.'

'Your operation is delayed for a couple of hours... there's a big sale at the mall down the street and all the nurses are down there.'

'Get me two new officers to play good cop bad cop.'

"Yes I have an alibi. I was at home practicing ventriloquism with Mr Chuckles. Isn't that right Mr Chuckles?"

'I saw him go that way.'

Ed's super-romantic but he's always a police detective. He calls our love 'consensual identity theft.'

"My religion? I'm a consumerist, first reformed midwest synod. We pray facing the Mall of America."

'Everything must go...manners included!'

"We haven't been able to pick up his trail. We think he's using invisible ink."

New Mall

Good Cop/Hollywood Cop: "Confess or my partner will make you read his screenplay."