Mall Manager Gifts

High security Santa's grotto

"Well, I have an opening in Cloverdale Mall ... let me hear you say Ho Ho Ho."

"excuse me...what town am i in..?"

"I have decided to go on holiday this year and would therefore like to hire one million santas for December 25th."

'That's it then - I'll take the slinky high-heeled cocktail number in a 5 and the everyday workshoe in a 7...'

Cut Price

"Excuse me, I'm here to do some sole searching."

Mall Directory: You aren't here x - where the heck are you?

'I've stepped on so many people for the last 20 years to get where I'm at, and I'm still only a middle manager.'

'If you're having trouble finding what you want, try our other store--'Cabernet Sauvignons Starting with the Letter B'.'

"Sure, shopping online is faster and cheaper, but there's something almost sensuous about carrying an armload of packages!"

"Store policy is that I need a note from your wife."

'Bread, milk, cereal, sugar, sausage, potatoes, beans, biscuits. Click! So easy, but I do miss the sexy till lady.'

Fantasy Business Management

'Do you have any golf balls that are not attracted to water, sand or trees?'

'I was speeding right along toward my goal of moving up from middle management, when a cost-cutting measure overtook me!'

"You can't find the menswear department? Oh, I'm sorry, Sir- I was standing in front of it."

Orderly Conduct of Sales

"I'm cutting out a complete layer of management."

"It's difficult to attract a younger customer when our main demographic is babies."

"I think he said he wants to buy 'just the one'. You'd better fetch the manager"

"That should read $20.00. I'd make the correction, but I don't want to be accused of price-fixing."

SupermarketAwful Market.

'In keeping with the team approach, we've traded you for two middle managers to be named later.'

'They're both nice - which can you ill afford least?'

'Gents toilet? Ah, got me there...'

"Can't complain- it's against company policy."

'I've drawn up a health and safety policy for the company.'

Self-Checkout.

Office Supplies: New and improved motivational posters, now with 25% more inspiration.

'A word of advice, the squeaky wheel gets the totally organic, 0 trans-fat, soy-based lubricant.'

Cars follow the sign to the mall rather than the sign to the manger.

"Bye now... it's always nice to see you and little Tommy!"

"I guessed my way to a perfect score on the GMAT, then I guessed my way through grad school and several middle management jobs...."

'This year, Sire, I've created a socko narrative of scatological raillery and rollicking nihilism which ends with a sexy justification for third quarter losses.'