Mall Manager Gifts

High security Santa's grotto

"Well, I have an opening in Cloverdale Mall ... let me hear you say Ho Ho Ho."

"excuse me...what town am i in..?"

"I have decided to go on holiday this year and would therefore like to hire one million santas for December 25th."

'That's it then - I'll take the slinky high-heeled cocktail number in a 5 and the everyday workshoe in a 7...'

Cut Price

"Excuse me, I'm here to do some sole searching."

I hate deer! What do you have to repel them? They're awful. I've got fences. Sprays. Decoys. Tree's Tree Nursery. I'll takes these. Anything to get rid of the varmints. Ring him up, Twig. I don't know why you are so down on deer. They've been very good to you! Anti-deer.

Mall Directory: You aren't here x - where the heck are you?

'If you're having trouble finding what you want, try our other store--'Cabernet Sauvignons Starting with the Letter B'.'

'I've stepped on so many people for the last 20 years to get where I'm at, and I'm still only a middle manager.'

"Sure, shopping online is faster and cheaper, but there's something almost sensuous about carrying an armload of packages!"

Never tell the boss "You can count on me" during inventory.

'Bread, milk, cereal, sugar, sausage, potatoes, beans, biscuits. Click! So easy, but I do miss the sexy till lady.'

"Store policy is that I need a note from your wife."

'Do you have any golf balls that are not attracted to water, sand or trees?'

Fantasy Business Management

"I'm cutting out a complete layer of management."

Orderly Conduct of Sales

"You can't find the menswear department? Oh, I'm sorry, Sir- I was standing in front of it."

"It's difficult to attract a younger customer when our main demographic is babies."

'I was speeding right along toward my goal of moving up from middle management, when a cost-cutting measure overtook me!'

"That should read $20.00. I'd make the correction, but I don't want to be accused of price-fixing."

"I think he said he wants to buy 'just the one'. You'd better fetch the manager"

'They're both nice - which can you ill afford least?'

SupermarketAwful Market.

'In keeping with the team approach, we've traded you for two middle managers to be named later.'

'I've drawn up a health and safety policy for the company.'

'Gents toilet? Ah, got me there...'

Sports Memorabilia: Help wanted-losers need not apply.

"I guessed my way to a perfect score on the GMAT, then I guessed my way through grad school and several middle management jobs...."

Take pity on me. I can't give much this year. What is this heresy, son? I didn't get a raise this year, got furloughed this summer, am behind on my cable bill, can't afford proper dates. But it's the holidays. Think of the needy. Pierre in flat-panels has a new baby. Sandy, the mobile device manager, toils so hard for your business. And don't forget Apple. It's got to make its quarter. Computer Villa. Customer service. I shouldn't just think of myself. That's better. I'd like to upgrade all my d

'This year, Sire, I've created a socko narrative of scatological raillery and rollicking nihilism which ends with a sexy justification for third quarter losses.'

Self-Checkout.

"Can't complain- it's against company policy."