Mall Worker Gifts

'I just love the holidays. It's such a happy time of year!'

"I hear ya. These mall gigs don't pay enough."

High security Santa's grotto

Mall Directory: You aren't here x - where the heck are you?

'It's nothing serious. Rest is the best cure for binge shopping.'

"Sure, shopping online is faster and cheaper, but there's something almost sensuous about carrying an armload of packages!"

"Well, I have an opening in Cloverdale Mall ... let me hear you say Ho Ho Ho."

Cars follow the sign to the mall rather than the sign to the manger.

"OK, I know that this is borderline inappropriate, but just hear me out ..."

This Saturday 10:30 Confessions of a Window Cleaner, Doctor, Nurse, Policeman, Shop Worker, Lollipop Lady, Butcher, Baker, Housewife, Schoolboy...

Manual Worker

'You've agreed to work Sundays, haven't you!'

'We're dangerous when we shop. We're really really dangerous when we don't shop.'

'You're out of '50 Great Years of Mindless Consumerism?' How about 'Celebrating America's Shopping Malls?' That one, too?'

'Rodin's wet blanket'

A plunger in an outhouse

"Rabbi Mandelbaum?"

'What the hell is PIG IRON?'

Heavy Metal Scrap Merchants.

Mall: "We always hold hands - If I let go, she shops."

Sally and her fashionista friends get to me. Save our mall! Ignore them! Let's take your mind off them. Don't even think it! I know. Going shopping would be wring. Does ordering online count.

Welcome to the real world. What just happened? Where am I? The Mall. The Mall. We've been shopping – in person. Not the kind of shopping where you order things on your phone and have them sent to your house. this is the jungle! And you didn't last five minutes! You were laid out by some geezer hustling to the grocery section to get a special deal on prune juice! E-commerce has made you soft! I've got a scratch on my iPhone.

Americana Mall

'Your operation is delayed for a couple of hours... there's a big sale at the mall down the street and all the nurses are down there.'

Just think! If the mall goes bust, what happens to all that paved-over land? Save our mall. We could roll up the asphalt and start a huge nature preserve. What about current wildlife? Hmm�You're right. I don't think the endangered species act covers mall rats.

"No the you shop noise doesn't bother me. This protects me from the incessant Christmas music."

"My religion? I'm a consumerist, first reformed midwest synod. We pray facing the Mall of America."

'Now, with this system you can do the equivalent of running a steel mill - keeping track of the quality of the ore, domestic and foreign orders, smelting processes...'

What's this about? The recession is devastating chain stores. Save our mall. They're the lifeblood of teen culture as we know it. What are your solutions? We're having a massive shop-in this Saturday! Shop 'til you drop. Big $$. Like a day of service? Exactly! But you'll feel even better about yourself.

"excuse me...what town am i in..?"

'The management of this shop take the threat of swine flu in their stride.'

"No, let's go with the hook."

New Mall

Steel fabricator

'I'm going to need backup on two. 'The situation' is escalating.'