Mall Cop Pillows

"Hmmm...can I get something a little cheaper? This is a little more than I intended to steal."

"While we do appreciate your diligence... It's not the store's policy to shoot shoplifters!"

"Don't taser me, Bro!!! Does he know we're Mall Cops?"

High security Santa's grotto

Mall Directory: You aren't here x - where the heck are you?

"Sure, shopping online is faster and cheaper, but there's something almost sensuous about carrying an armload of packages!"

"Some fitting room. Nothing fits!"

"I knew we'd eventually catch him. He can't run and run as fast as he once did."

Pirates at the mall.

"Well, I have an opening in Cloverdale Mall ... let me hear you say Ho Ho Ho."

Where there's a Mall--There's a Way.

"OK, I know that this is borderline inappropriate, but just hear me out ..."

Cars follow the sign to the mall rather than the sign to the manger.

'It's my mother. She wants to talk to you.'

'We're dangerous when we shop. We're really really dangerous when we don't shop.'

'You're out of '50 Great Years of Mindless Consumerism?' How about 'Celebrating America's Shopping Malls?' That one, too?'

'Does my bum look big in this?'

'No, officer, I'm not a homeless beggar. I'm just waiting on my wife while she's shopping.'

"I always wondered why they called you detectives, 'gum shoes'."

'It seems to be pretty easy, chief. The victim was a fishmonger and we've got a motive, a culprit and a murder weapon.'

When asked to show some identification,the policemen produced their badgers.

"Rabbi Mandelbaum?"

Mall: "We always hold hands - If I let go, she shops."

Ed's super-romantic but he's always a police detective. He calls our love 'consensual identity theft.'

'Oh, how moving, it's a woodland burial, Dennis.'

Welcome to the real world. What just happened? Where am I? The Mall. The Mall. We've been shopping – in person. Not the kind of shopping where you order things on your phone and have them sent to your house. this is the jungle! And you didn't last five minutes! You were laid out by some geezer hustling to the grocery section to get a special deal on prune juice! E-commerce has made you soft! I've got a scratch on my iPhone.

'Get me two new officers to play good cop bad cop.'

"Yes I have an alibi. I was at home practicing ventriloquism with Mr Chuckles. Isn't that right Mr Chuckles?"

'Your operation is delayed for a couple of hours... there's a big sale at the mall down the street and all the nurses are down there.'

Sally and her fashionista friends get to me. Save our mall! Ignore them! Let's take your mind off them. Don't even think it! I know. Going shopping would be wring. Does ordering online count.

Just think! If the mall goes bust, what happens to all that paved-over land? Save our mall. We could roll up the asphalt and start a huge nature preserve. What about current wildlife? Hmm�You're right. I don't think the endangered species act covers mall rats.

'I saw him go that way.'

"My religion? I'm a consumerist, first reformed midwest synod. We pray facing the Mall of America."

'Everything must go...manners included!'

"We haven't been able to pick up his trail. We think he's using invisible ink."