Cop Gifts

'Reporting another metal theft, Sarge.'

'Does my bum look big in this?'

American cop and a British policeman.

"We haven't been able to pick up his trail. We think he's using invisible ink."

'Well, that'll be an expensive bit of fun, buddy!'

'When you said we were going for a stake-out Sarge...'

'Welcome to our town strangers. Our bank vault is full but won't lock and we ran out of bullets.'

Ed's super-romantic but he's always a police detective. He calls our love 'consensual identity theft.'

When asked to show some identification,the policemen produced their badgers.

'We initially considered you a person of interest, Mr. Henderson. But after observing you for quite some time I have to say that... well, frankly, you're just not that interesting, Mr. Henderson. You're free to go.'

'If you want a serious guy with a safe job, rob a bank and marry the police officer who comes to arrest you.'

"Reckless driving..."

"Be sure to have your body cams on."

"I always wondered why they called you detectives, 'gum shoes'."

"The fact that your husband criticized your cookies makes it a kind of suicide!"

"Is anyone there?"

"I appreciate where you are coming from, Mr. Willis, but we can't lose her again."

"So he pulls out a 1 iorn, see? I say to him. Bob I says, not even God can hit a 1 iron. Then, there was a flash of light and boom!"

"Got anything that smells like victory?"

"Sorry to crash the party, folks, but all the little people that made it happen were just discovered buried in a shallow grave outside Bakersfield."

"Wouldn't be my first choice for birth control, but it'll definitely help."

Good Cop/Hollywood Cop: "Confess or my partner will make you read his screenplay."

"Say! How come you don't use handcuffs like all the other sheriffs?"

"Hey! Did it ever occur to you Bozos that the cake could be evidence?!"

'Oh, how moving, it's a woodland burial, Dennis.'

'It seems to be pretty easy, chief. The victim was a fishmonger and we've got a motive, a culprit and a murder weapon.'

"Yes I have an alibi. I was at home practicing ventriloquism with Mr Chuckles. Isn't that right Mr Chuckles?"

'Why are you called Mr. Plod?'

"What I dread is someone yelling 'Stop, thief!', and I have to run after the guy."

'This is Ferguson, one of our few unspecial agents.'

'I saw him go that way.'

'I clocked you at over 90 words-a-minute.'

'Get me two new officers to play good cop bad cop.'

Policemen enjoying lunch ponder low crime reportage at lunch time.

'You have the right to remain silent. You also have the right to play with the siren in my squad car, but I'm not suppose to tell you that.'