Mall Shopping Gifts

"Sure, shopping online is faster and cheaper, but there's something almost sensuous about carrying an armload of packages!"

Pushing comes to shoving will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law!

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

Killer Executive Suits.

Formal SuitsBusiness SuitsBirthday Suits.

'That's it then - I'll take the slinky high-heeled cocktail number in a 5 and the everyday workshoe in a 7...'

Men find this shampoo irresistible. It's called 'Gee, Your Hair Smells Like A New Car'.

"I'm sure you'll grow into it, darling."

"Christmas - what a fuss eh?"

Men's Suits. I hear being suave and sophisticated is coming back in style. That's just an urbane legend.

"Maybe we should cut back on those lawn catalogues."

"Now here's one that has the glamour above the table."

Cat woman shopping for cats.

"Enough with how great the public schools are. Just tell us – is there a Trader Joe’s nearby?"

'I wonder if they have any water filters?'

"No, there was no 'Buy One, Get One Free.' You're twins."

"I bought it off the therapist who's helping me kick my compulsive shopping disorder."

"Don't worry about your purchase not working. Everything we sell here is totally non-functional."

Sale on the same stuff as last week.

'Now that I've lost weight, I can't afford new clothes in my size.'

"It's kohlrabi, the next hot vegetable."

Handbag store - "Perfect."

''ere - I thought you said your pans were non-stick!'

Maybe I should have measured my garden before going shopping....

Cut Price

Toadstools

Two women wearing identical dresses head toward exchange window at department store.

"It was terrifying experience being faced with that kind of compulsive, insane behaviour...I tell you it's positively the last time I put foot in the sales!"

"Excuse me, I'm here to do some sole searching."

Other girl's luxuries are my necessities.

"Freudian, Jungian, Adlerian – none of it compares to retail therapy."

Peephole in a pile of presents (colour).

'What do you do with the time you save?'

"I want something that will make Richard Burton sit up and take notice."

Bad for you but to die for