Sugar-free Lifestyle Gifts

"Don't look left or right!"

"Even the waiters here are organic."

"Ed's tree hugging was out of control."

"Steamed vegetables."

"I want to leave myself some caloric margin of error for dessert."

"1. Flimsig used pallets, old foam 2. Stinkum goat wool 3. Beetup recycled lumber 4. Riskig kerosene lamp 5. Stupor hand blown by Nils 6. Smokum found on beach in Mendocino 7. Woblig 100% driftwood"

'Can't stand diary products myself, but a job's a job.'

'Snap, crackle, help! I'm lactose intolerant!'

Save our Planet.

'Would you like that organic, locally grown, carbon neutral, fair trade, trans fat-free, sugar-free, gluten-free and peanut-free?'

'The Ailing Matisse tries cutting out meat and dairy products.'

'We cut it into teensy-weensy squares.'

Angel's Food cake vs Devil's food cake.

"We couldn't find a raw-vegan, gluten-free, sugar-free, non-G.M.O. cake for your birthday, so we got you nothing."

"...and lay off the energy drinks..."

A psychic predicts the discovery of gluten.

'It's gluten-free or free range or something. Enjoy.'

At One With Nature

"I was the first one to work completely gluten free."

Low Carb Dieter Birthdays - diving for meat from the pinata.

"How could they possibly know it's gluten-free, low gi. . . ?"

"It might taste a little different. It's gluten-free slop."

Gluten-Free Church

One of several sugar maple trees is labled sugar free.

"It's just a reaction to all that artificial flavoring and artificial sweetening. Now if you just take this synthetic medicine..."

"The most moral consumer - Didn't shop at Walmart - Didn't order things on Amazon unless it was, like, an emergency - Tried to be vegan - Always had an extra canvas bag in her car (which was a hybrid, by the way)"

"Our view is if it isn't made in a factory, it's organic."

"THIS YEAR I'M GOING TO GET IN SHAPE."

Mouse, caught in trap after attempting to get cheese, says: 'That's it ??" I'm quitting dairy.'

"Run! It's Armagluten!"

"It looks like there is too much dairy in your diet."

The Diabetic Hummingbird Feeder

'Help! I'm a coeliac get me out of here!'

'We've given up sugar in tea,coffee and puddings.'

New Milks