Lactose-free Lifestyle Gifts

'Soy milk, soy burgers...who ever thought we could be replaced by a bean.'

'Can't stand diary products myself, but a job's a job.'

"I'm sorry Clara, it's over.....the Vet says I'm allergic to Dairy!"

'Snap, crackle, help! I'm lactose intolerant!'

'The Ailing Matisse tries cutting out meat and dairy products.'

"I'm pretty lucky. I have a wife that tolerates both my lactose and bad habits."

Investments: Yes, we have organic, local & cruelty-free stocks.

'I've never heard of a lactose intolerant cow!'

"I was the first one to work completely gluten free."

"It might taste a little different. It's gluten-free slop."

"So, it's Gluten free, lactose free and meat free. How does it taste?"

"Y' know, a GOOD host would provide a lactose-free option!"

"Well, my wife is lactose-maltose-dextrose-sucrose-cellulose intolerant, which means I can't even hand her an empty box of candy."

"One gluten-free, lactose-free, low carb pizza."

Mouse, caught in trap after attempting to get cheese, says: 'That's it ??" I'm quitting dairy.'

"THIS YEAR I'M GOING TO GET IN SHAPE."

"It looks like there is too much dairy in your diet."

"She's diversifying her portfolio."

New Milks

"And I told them not to use lactose for the last supper..."

"That doesn't make any sense - The Milky Way shouldn't affect your lactose-intolerance."

"This was supposed to be 'Gluten-Free Comedy Night.' Which means no wheat jokes."

'I'm lactose intolerant, gluten intolerant, vegan and allergic to tomatoes...what have you got that's good?'

"The gluten is free. The pizza, however, cost $12.95."

"Don't look left or right!"

'It's the Night Before Christmas, and I drank lots of eggnog, and all through the house I've been puking.'

"I told you dairy was bad for your diet!"

"The state of the world has pushed Henry wayyyy beyond his fear of gluten."

'Milk, butter, cheese, ice cream...you have too much lactose tolerance.'

"I can only protest capitalism until noon. My mom said Whole Foods was out of GF bread and vegan cheese so she didn't pack my lunch."

"This increase in lactose-intolerant people is good for us: We can sell more milk..."

'I used to have milk in my tea. . .but then one day I had black tea and somebody tole me that 'once you've had black, you never go back.' I don't know why you never go back, but it turned out I'm lactose intolerant, so it's a moot point now. I guess.'

"With religion and politics off the table, the only thing left to argue about is gluten."

'I better stay clear of that place -- I'm lactose intolerant!'

'Couldn't you just say you're lactose-intolerant?'