Lactose-free Gifts

'I'm lactose intolerant, gluten intolerant, vegan and allergic to tomatoes...what have you got that's good?'

"So, it's Gluten free, lactose free and meat free. How does it taste?"

"One gluten-free, lactose-free, low carb pizza."

'Snap, crackle, help! I'm lactose intolerant!'

'Can't stand diary products myself, but a job's a job.'

'This is gluten free, isn't it?'

Modern Witch Shoppe

"I'm pretty lucky. I have a wife that tolerates both my lactose and bad habits."

"Enlightenment can only come when you realize there is more to life than gluten free hot sauce."

"And the best part of grinding their bones to make your bread - totally gluten free!"

'I've never heard of a lactose intolerant cow!'

The Gluten is Free. RUN!

"I'm pretty sure the alcohol neutralizes the gluten."

'I think I may be lactose intolerant.'

"It looks like there is too much dairy in your diet."

Mouse, caught in trap after attempting to get cheese, says: 'That's it ??" I'm quitting dairy.'

"Y' know, a GOOD host would provide a lactose-free option!"

Santa contemplates whether or not to leave presents.

'My secret for long life? I've always drunk, smoked, made out with women...and hated yogurt.'

"She's diversifying her portfolio."

"White bread? Do you have any idea how much gluten is in those crumbs?!"

"That doesn't make any sense - The Milky Way shouldn't affect your lactose-intolerance."

"Sorry, red wine makes Ralph gluten intolerant intolerant."

New Milks

"And I told them not to use lactose for the last supper..."

If it had been today...

"Are you sure this is gluten free?"

"I'm going to have to ask you to leave - all of our other customers are lactose intolerant."

Decaffeinated section.

"I can take or leave the religion, I worship his gluten free recipes."

'I hope these are gluten-free.'

"With religion and politics off the table, the only thing left to argue about is gluten."

"Give us this day our daily gluten-free sliced white ciabatta."

'Soy milk, soy burgers...who ever thought we could be replaced by a bean.'

'Quick, give me a beer before I develop an allergy to gluten.'