Lactose-free Living Enthusiast Gifts

"It looks like there is too much dairy in your diet."

'Snap, crackle, help! I'm lactose intolerant!'

'Can't stand diary products myself, but a job's a job.'

The Nihilist Deli.

"I'm pretty lucky. I have a wife that tolerates both my lactose and bad habits."

'I've never heard of a lactose intolerant cow!'

Search for Extraterrestrial Life. Ernie is working on a theory that alien life forms avoid the Milky Way galaxy because they're lactose intolerant.

"So, it's Gluten free, lactose free and meat free. How does it taste?"

'Why didn't you say you were Lactose intolerant in the first place?'

"Actually, lactose is the only thing Herb isn't intolerant of."

Go Veggie...

'Do you mind if my son watches you cook? I'm trying to bring him up to be a vegetarian.'

"It's just a reaction to all that artificial flavoring and artificial sweetening. Now if you just take this synthetic medicine..."

"Well, my wife is lactose-maltose-dextrose-sucrose-cellulose intolerant, which means I can't even hand her an empty box of candy."

"One gluten-free, lactose-free, low carb pizza."

Mouse, caught in trap after attempting to get cheese, says: 'That's it ??" I'm quitting dairy.'

"She's diversifying her portfolio."

"And I told them not to use lactose for the last supper..."

"Sergio, just for you, I made this cake glucose free.... I don't know how to make glucose free."

"That doesn't make any sense - The Milky Way shouldn't affect your lactose-intolerance."

New Milks

'I'm lactose intolerant, gluten intolerant, vegan and allergic to tomatoes...what have you got that's good?'

"I told you dairy was bad for your diet!"

'It's the Night Before Christmas, and I drank lots of eggnog, and all through the house I've been puking.'

"I'm going to have to ask you to leave - all of our other customers are lactose intolerant."

'Soy milk, soy burgers...who ever thought we could be replaced by a bean.'

"The state of the world has pushed Henry wayyyy beyond his fear of gluten."

'I used to have milk in my tea. . .but then one day I had black tea and somebody tole me that 'once you've had black, you never go back.' I don't know why you never go back, but it turned out I'm lactose intolerant, so it's a moot point now. I guess.'

"This increase in lactose-intolerant people is good for us: We can sell more milk..."

'Milk, butter, cheese, ice cream...you have too much lactose tolerance.'

"I'm a vegan, and my ex is a carnivore. We were divorced on the grounds of irreconcilable dinners."

"I am sorry about this, my husband is lactose intolerant."

"Er, um, no thanks. We're both lactose intolerant."

"I'm sorry Clara, it's over.....the Vet says I'm allergic to Dairy!"

Where do you draw the line? Goat milk. Goat cheese. Goat ice cream.