Lactose-free Pillows

'I'm lactose intolerant, gluten intolerant, vegan and allergic to tomatoes...what have you got that's good?'

"So, it's Gluten free, lactose free and meat free. How does it taste?"

"One gluten-free, lactose-free, low carb pizza."

'Can't stand diary products myself, but a job's a job.'

'Snap, crackle, help! I'm lactose intolerant!'

'This is gluten free, isn't it?'

Modern Witch Shoppe

"Enlightenment can only come when you realize there is more to life than gluten free hot sauce."

"I'm pretty lucky. I have a wife that tolerates both my lactose and bad habits."

"And the best part of grinding their bones to make your bread - totally gluten free!"

'I've never heard of a lactose intolerant cow!'

The Gluten is Free. RUN!

"Actually, lactose is the only thing Herb isn't intolerant of."

Mouse, caught in trap after attempting to get cheese, says: 'That's it ??" I'm quitting dairy.'

'I think I may be lactose intolerant.'

"It looks like there is too much dairy in your diet."

"I'm pretty sure the alcohol neutralizes the gluten."

"Y' know, a GOOD host would provide a lactose-free option!"

Santa contemplates whether or not to leave presents.

"She's diversifying her portfolio."

'My secret for long life? I've always drunk, smoked, made out with women...and hated yogurt.'

"That doesn't make any sense - The Milky Way shouldn't affect your lactose-intolerance."

"White bread? Do you have any idea how much gluten is in those crumbs?!"

"Sorry, red wine makes Ralph gluten intolerant intolerant."

New Milks

"And I told them not to use lactose for the last supper..."

If it had been today...

"Are you sure this is gluten free?"

"With religion and politics off the table, the only thing left to argue about is gluten."

"I can take or leave the religion, I worship his gluten free recipes."

'I hope these are gluten-free.'

"Give us this day our daily gluten-free sliced white ciabatta."

"I'm going to have to ask you to leave - all of our other customers are lactose intolerant."

Decaffeinated section.

'Soy milk, soy burgers...who ever thought we could be replaced by a bean.'