Lactose-free Lifer Gifts

"This increase in lactose-intolerant people is good for us: We can sell more milk..."

'Why can't my walks be that fun?'

'Can't stand diary products myself, but a job's a job.'

'Snap, crackle, help! I'm lactose intolerant!'

"I'm pretty lucky. I have a wife that tolerates both my lactose and bad habits."

"When I say I'm rich I don't just mean in Omega 3 oils."

Wife asking husband what resolutions he is going to make for the new century

'I've never heard of a lactose intolerant cow!'

'It's a rare generic defect. To put it bluntly, you have no brand loyalty.'

"It just wasn't working out. He's liberal low-carb and I'm strict keto."

'Why didn't you say you were Lactose intolerant in the first place?'

"Actually, lactose is the only thing Herb isn't intolerant of."

"So, it's Gluten free, lactose free and meat free. How does it taste?"

Search for Extraterrestrial Life. Ernie is working on a theory that alien life forms avoid the Milky Way galaxy because they're lactose intolerant.

"It looks like there is too much dairy in your diet."

"One gluten-free, lactose-free, low carb pizza."

Mouse, caught in trap after attempting to get cheese, says: 'That's it ??" I'm quitting dairy.'

Lactose is Good. Lactose intolerance isn't something you protest against, Ernie.

"She's diversifying her portfolio."

"And I told them not to use lactose for the last supper..."

"Ooh, Dave. Your DNA results have come back! According to this, you're 10% German, 15% Irish, and 75% layabout."

"That doesn't make any sense - The Milky Way shouldn't affect your lactose-intolerance."

New Milks

'I'm lactose intolerant, gluten intolerant, vegan and allergic to tomatoes...what have you got that's good?'

"I told you dairy was bad for your diet!"

'Soy milk, soy burgers...who ever thought we could be replaced by a bean.'

'Milk, butter, cheese, ice cream...you have too much lactose tolerance.'

'I used to have milk in my tea. . .but then one day I had black tea and somebody tole me that 'once you've had black, you never go back.' I don't know why you never go back, but it turned out I'm lactose intolerant, so it's a moot point now. I guess.'

"It started out with lactose, but now he's intolerant of everything."

"Er, um, no thanks. We're both lactose intolerant."

"I'm sorry Clara, it's over.....the Vet says I'm allergic to Dairy!"

Where do you draw the line? Goat milk. Goat cheese. Goat ice cream.