Sugar-free Shopping Strategist Gifts

The new Candy-B-Gone blinders made Tina's shopping trips much easier.

'If only I'd spent as much time on my investment portfolio as I did on my lolly mix when I was a kid.'

All Natural Nothing

I thought you said Megson couldn't be bought.

"The only thing that's not gone up is the pound."

"Store policy is that I need a note from your wife."

"No, we can't get you a new toy every time we go shopping."

"The Box is bigger, the contents smaller, increased the price and called it improved."

"Yes, but I'll know it's a recliner."

Holiday Sales: The Starting Line

Shampoo and Salad Dressing.

"I'll throw in a few extra pinstripes."

Diets: Sweets and Biscuits.

'I've got it written down...'

STRIP Hambone: Expensive repair job

'So the prince and princess lowered their expectations became savvy consumers, then they lived reasonably contented forever after.'

"Consumer confidence remains high as long as we keep them distracted buying stuff."

Man in radiation suit with 'Fresh Farm Produce'.

"How will you be paying? Crypto, Venmo, electronic fund transfer, credit card, check, cash, precious metals, brightly colored shells or livestock?"

'If I promise to be good for the next 30 years, can I have some sweets Dad?'

"Eeny, meeny, miney, mo.."

"Ask Mom for Sweet Chunk Cookies. If she says no, ask Grandma."

"I have no idea where we parked the car, or why we exist."

'When it comes to shopping, not only does the buck stop here, but so do the fives, tens, twenties, fifties and hundreds.'

Bored Baker

"Why is this cart so heavy?"

'And this one is just today's grocery list from my wife.'

'We cut it into teensy-weensy squares.'

"Class, welcome back Sean ... who, you may recall, was lost for eight days in Home Depot."

'But what do you sell?'

"Your chocolate biscuits and cakes are getting smaller - and where's your sweets aisle?"

'Our definition of a 'bargain' is right there in the small print.'

'Our survey shows there's more confidence in shopping coupons than in the dollar...'

"What do you have that justifies its calories?"

'I'm sure I've forgotten something. I got change from a fifty.'