Suburban Legend Gifts

'She wasn't a soccer mom after all -- she was a NINJA mom!'

Meet Stephen Krkzk Author of 'Why Conspiracy Theories Are Nonsense'

"Enough with how great the public schools are. Just tell us – is there a Trader Joe’s nearby?"

"Let's save a few so we can continue to piss off the neighbors for the next few weeks."

'Humans are so considerate: They put perches like these for us on every one of their houses...'

"Bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: fwd: bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: fwd: fwd: bark bark bark bark"

"Walt Disney on ice."

"There it was again...SOOIE! And then she realized the pig call was coming from inside the house!"

Another Bigfoot sighting...

I crawled out of a toilet and ate a guy. Say my name 3 times in a mirror. I dare you. No one suspects I'm Slenderman. She took me home. Then she woke up in a tub of ice missing a kidney. Urban Legends-in-Their-Own-Minds.

"Entering Minivan Territory: Healthy Snacks Strictly Enforced

On day twenty nine, Dave decided that he would start to cut his way through the dense forest to find out more about the north side of the island.

"... and the sales call was coming from inside the house!"

The search for Bigfoot continues for a group of women who know that if his feet are THAT big...

Channelling on the Cheap

"The trees are laughing at us."

"Do you live nearby by any chance? I hate to eat in public."

"My dream is to have a little house and a white picket fence wired with explosives."

"You're about to learn what New York hot dogs are made from."

Beware of the Lawn

Romulus and Remus

Suburban Legend

It's a good thing our neighbors don't know what weirdos we are.

'When I called her a witch, I had no idea...'

"I'm telling you! They don't know anything! No one is in charge!"

Madison Avenue and Maple Street

'... But of course, if there's something more interesting outside.'

"Honestly, all three of them were mistakes."

"No squirrel, but I found Jimmy Hoffa."

Lawrence of Suburbia

'Fred's opinion of crab grass is if you can't beat it, join it.'

"If you want to buy this, I'm afraid I'm going to need to see some justification."

"Not only is the grass greener, but check out that Mercedes!"

Santa 'Loverboy' Kong

'Right lad. This is your first night on the beat. I want you to walk through the graveyard without whistling.'