Suburban Survivor Gifts

Minimum-Security Prison

"The trees are laughing at us."

"Would you feel better, Sue...if we stopped watching the news?"

"You've got those Stuck-in-the-Subway-Listening-to-a-Guy-Massacre-Dylan Blues."

Commutobile

"My dream is to have a little house and a white picket fence wired with explosives."

"This city is becoming unlivable."

"Prepare to meet thy blower."

Lawrence of Suburbia

'She wasn't a soccer mom after all -- she was a NINJA mom!'

"My neighborhood is getting too noisy. Traffic, screaming kids, barking dogs … I'm used to living in quiet desperation."

Grim Reaper walks through an urban environment wearing a gas mask.

'I'm looking for a romantic tale of wild, unbridled passion I can read while being pushed and groped on the subway.'

'Smog, pollen, acid-rain, holes in the ozone-layer, crime, road rage, terrorists - HERE I COME!'

'Don't give me that! I know for a fact, he was in my flowerbeds!!'

Meanwhile, Deep in the Rain Forest...Save the Cities

Appointment for Central London Executive - With Car and Parking Space

Fox Holes

Life in a food desert.

'I simply don't understand the requirement to pay people more just to live in London!'

Generation Rend. Young man rending his garments in anguish at extortionate rents.

"I just want to learn enough to be able to survive the train to work."

'The world's first riding lawnmower.'

"The Imaginary Playmate Meets the Invisible Fence"

Stuart's grand plan to bring the good-time steel drum vibe of the Caribbean to Belle Haven, Connecticut, hits its first snag...

"The house is staged beautifully. The only thing left is to tell Duane to go inside during showings."

"Look lady, I told you before; anything over one-hundred pounds you gotta take to the dump yourself."

"It ran amok."

COVID-19 in the Big Apple.

'Goddamn traffic...I'm late for my meditation class.'

'It's quite a learning experience. You'll be amazed at what you can live without.'

'Great! To top it all off, I've been put on hold!'

Next 5 Exits: Five sprawling suburbs that look so much like each other even WE can't tell the difference any more. Best of luck to you.

Couple in garden, "Look - Lawrence of suburbia."

ahhh...peace and quiet...