Suburban Survivors Gifts

"Thank God we were only house-sitting."

"Enough with how great the public schools are. Just tell us – is there a Trader Joe’s nearby?"

"You've got those Stuck-in-the-Subway-Listening-to-a-Guy-Massacre-Dylan Blues."

"Bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: fwd: bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: fwd: fwd: bark bark bark bark"

"Entering Minivan Territory: Healthy Snacks Strictly Enforced

Commutobile

"My dream is to have a little house and a white picket fence wired with explosives."

"The trees are laughing at us."

"This city is becoming unlivable."

Beware of the Lawn

Madison Avenue and Maple Street

"Honestly, all three of them were mistakes."

"If you want to buy this, I'm afraid I'm going to need to see some justification."

"My neighborhood is getting too noisy. Traffic, screaming kids, barking dogs … I'm used to living in quiet desperation."

'I'm looking for a romantic tale of wild, unbridled passion I can read while being pushed and groped on the subway.'

Grim Reaper walks through an urban environment wearing a gas mask.

"Honey, you’ve got to see this one she just left on the neighbor’s lawn—it’s perfect, like showroom condition." "Dan loved his dog."

'Smog, pollen, acid-rain, holes in the ozone-layer, crime, road rage, terrorists - HERE I COME!'

"We're looking for a traditional suburban neighborhood with all the urban amenities."

'Don't give me that! I know for a fact, he was in my flowerbeds!!'

Intentional Community vs. Community of Sheer Happenstance

Life in a food desert.

'The world's first riding lawnmower.'

Appointment for Central London Executive - With Car and Parking Space

Generation Rend. Young man rending his garments in anguish at extortionate rents.

'I simply don't understand the requirement to pay people more just to live in London!'

"I just want to learn enough to be able to survive the train to work."

"The Imaginary Playmate Meets the Invisible Fence"

Fox Holes

"This happy breed of men, this little world, this blessed plot, this earth, this realm, this east end of Long Island!"

Country Mouse and City Mouse Meet Suburb Mouse

Suburban blues legends

Stuart's grand plan to bring the good-time steel drum vibe of the Caribbean to Belle Haven, Connecticut, hits its first snag...

'The growing field of lawn enforcement'.

"The house is staged beautifully. The only thing left is to tell Duane to go inside during showings."